Khmer Magazines 2014



What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.

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Did you hear about the stupid turkey? It was looking forward to Christmas!

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Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles !

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What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly ?

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Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. 'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that what you want?' The little girl said, 'It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!' 'What's that?' her mother asked. 'Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow? There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or clue or an inkling as to claws as far as I can see.' 'Wait till you wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and went on stuffing the turkey. So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she woke up on Christmas morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to look at her little kitten. She was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if by magic. Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy , Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!' 'Of course it has,' her mother grinned. 'But how did you know?' Kitty demanded. Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh, Kitty, everybody knows that Centre-claws always comes at Christmas!'

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If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus.

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Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank. Why did he do that? He was trying to save time!

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Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn't get wet! Why not? Because it wasn't raining!

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What do you get hanging from Father Christmas' roof? Tired arms!

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What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ? A pineapple !

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'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!' 'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said. 'Because tow 'Eds are better than one, of course!'

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Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey - he's always stuffed !

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Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ? Because they both have "Sandy claws" !

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Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else !

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How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.

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Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys? Because they soot him!

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One time Father Christmas lost his underpants. That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!

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What's a hairdressers's favourite Christmas song? 'Oh comb all ye faithful'

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What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ? Santa Claustrophobia !

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Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. What did he use to make it? Elf-raising flour, of course.

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Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!

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Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.

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Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door. Yours, Sherlock Holmes Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes? Lemon-entry my dear watson.

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