| What does Father Christmas call that reindeer with no eyes? No-eyed-deer! |
| What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? Forty feet of track - all straight! |
| Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!. Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes! |
| What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. ! |
| JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you. |
| Why are Father Christmas' reindeer like a cricket match? Because they're both stopped by the rein. |
| Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles ! |
| Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep. Try lying on the edge of your bed...you'll soon drop off! |
| Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank. Why did he do that? He was trying to save time! |
| Father Christmas: How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge? Gnome : Put a five pound note between his teeth and stick his head over the side of the sledge. |
| What game do reindeer play in their stalls? Stable-tennis! |
| What is the cow's holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas! |
| Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. |
| Did you hear about the stupid turkey? It was looking forward to Christmas! |
| What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas? It was wound up already. |
| How to cats greet each other at Christmas ? "A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" ! |
| Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph |
| Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ? Your teeth ! |
| Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to go out there and clear the snow! I'm on my way, Father Christmas. Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on! That's all right! There's only one foot of snow! |
| I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed, but when they cry the tears run down their back! |
| Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. 'You're getting your Christmas present a week early this year,' her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. 'Is that what you want?' The little girl said, 'It's wonderful, mother...just what I wanted. There's just one thing wrong!' 'What's that?' her mother asked. 'Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws!' Her mother smiled. 'Don't worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you'll find the claws are there.' Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasn't even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When Christmas Eve arrived and there was still no sign, Kitty went to her mother and asked again, 'Are you absolutely sure that the kitten will have its middle claws tomorrow? There's only a few hours to go and there's not a hint or clue or an inkling as to claws as far as I can see.' 'Wait till you wake up on Christmas morning,' her mother smiled and went on stuffing the turkey. So Kitty went to sleep a worried girl. When she woke up on Christmas morning she ignored the presents in her stocking and rushed downstairs to look at her little kitten. She was astounded, amazed and just a little surprised to see that her kitten had four claws on every paw! The middle ones had appeared as if by magic. Kitty rushed to her parent's bedroom. 'Mummy , Mummy! The kitten has grown its middle claws!' 'Of course it has,' her mother grinned. 'But how did you know?' Kitty demanded. Her father rolled over sleepily and sighed, 'Oh, Kitty, everybody knows that Centre-claws always comes at Christmas!' |
| Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents? Elephanta Claus ! |
| What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song? Jungle bells. |
| Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side. |
| What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ? Santa pause ! |
