Khmer Magazines 2015



Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."

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If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him? Dead.

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Vampire 1: "I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died." Vampire 2: "How awful!" Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time."

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This elderly Newfoundland fisherman is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. "Well boys, the time is near, and when I pass I'd like to be buried at sea." So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front page read, "Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought in Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three Sons... Funeral arrangements haven't yet been made, however, it is believed all wished to be buried at sea."

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Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time? It was a dead heat.

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What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

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Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon ? Because he was dead !

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What did the little kid do with the dead battery? He buried it.

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A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells: "No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

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Q: What is the definition of Death? A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.

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Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ? Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !

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A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'." Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

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How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye

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Did you hear someone has invented a coffin that just covers the head? It's for people like you who're dead from the neck up!

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Question: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Answer: "Leave it to Beaver."

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First ghoul: You don't look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

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Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

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What kind of ghosts haunt operating theatres? Surgical spirits.

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What's a zombie's favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

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A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner said, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to throw the switch in a minute." The man said, "Do me a favor and throw it out the window!"

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Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea? Pupil: Dead ?, I didn't even know he was sick !

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If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she? Dead.

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I was so sorry to hear you buried your mother last week. Well, we had to, you know, she was dead.

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A chemist, a shopkeeper and a teacher were sentenced to death by firing squad. The chemist was taken from his cell and as the soldiers took aim he shouted "Avalanche!" The soldiers panicked and in the confusion the chemist escaped. The shopkeeper was led out next. As the soldiers took aim he shouted "Flood!" and escaped. The teacher was then lead out. The squad took aim and the teacher, remenbering how the other two had escaped, shouted "Fire!"

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

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