advertisements

Aviation jokes

An airplane pilot dies at the controls.

He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arrived' area.

There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot
that
he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil
has to
take care of something first, and disappears.

The
curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot going

through flight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two,

and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve

emergency situations. He looks behind the last door, and sees a Captain
being
waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad
stewardesses.

The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position.

He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two. The pilot
says,
"I wanted door number three!"
"Sorry," replies the devil,
"that's 'flight attendant's
hell'."

 

Why did the girl take a ruler to bed? She wanted to see how long she slept.

Read more!

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That's where you wash all your vegetables!

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford? I did not have textual relations with that woman.

Read more!

What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old ? Six weeks old !

Read more!

Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!

Read more!

Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage.

Read more!

Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag ? They can lighten your load !

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Crock and Dial ! Crock and Dial who ? Crock and Dial Dundee !

Read more!

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

Read more!

What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Read more!

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? 'I feel abominable.'

Read more!

It has been said that the United States has the best congressmen money can buy.

Read more!

A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do that !!!" The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and Clinton politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.

Read more!

Yo mama so ugly she got beat up by her imaginary friends

Read more!

Strong Winds by Gail Force

Read more!

Did you hear about the cannibal who went vegetarian? He couldn't stop eating swedes.

Read more!

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest." The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow? The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

Read more!

Policeman: Why didn't you stop at that red light? Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

Read more!

The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. "No mis" he replied

Read more!

If you make a cow angry, how will she get even? She'll cream you!

Read more!