advertisements

Aviation jokes

An airplane pilot dies at the controls.

He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arrived' area.

There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot
that
he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil
has to
take care of something first, and disappears.

The
curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot going

through flight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two,

and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve

emergency situations. He looks behind the last door, and sees a Captain
being
waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad
stewardesses.

The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position.

He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two. The pilot
says,
"I wanted door number three!"
"Sorry," replies the devil,
"that's 'flight attendant's
hell'."

 

Why didn't the chicken skeleton cross the road ? Because he didn't have enough guts

Read more!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed? A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix? He was asking for directions.

Read more!

Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you!

Read more!

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO." St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admi tted to heaven ... for five days!" Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?" Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went. The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."

Read more!

Q: Why do Polish names end in "ski" ? A: Because they can't spell tobbagan.

Read more!

Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea ? Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave teh key outside !

Read more!

How do you make a Gorilla float? Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!

Read more!

Why are elephants no good at Net surfing? Because they're scared of the mouse.

Read more!

What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can't mash Frankenstein.

Read more!

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ? Because he liked sole music !

Read more!

Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.

Read more!

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!" The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

Read more!

How do rain drops marry? -They coalesce

Read more!

A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself off, then turned to the little boy and said, 'Don't you know how to ride a bike?' 'Yes,' he answered, 'but I don't know how to ring the bell yet'

Read more!

Why did the blonde run out of shampoo? She kept following the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat!

Read more!

Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade? A: The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president's spouse, Bill Clinton.

Read more!

What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever

Read more!

Patient: Hey, that tooth you pulled wasn't the one I wanted pulled. Dentist: Relax, I'm coming to it.

Read more!

Q5: How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? A: Tea Rex?

Read more!