advertisements

Baby jokes

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Underwear.

Underwear who?
Underwear my baby is tonight?

 

What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? Hoppalong Cassidy.

Read more!

"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow." "OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake? No!

Read more!

If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she? Dead.

Read more!

Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

Read more!

What's big and grey and wears a mask ? The elephantom of the opera !

Read more!

Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a ton in the highway. Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to yield right of way.

Read more!

What is a thespian pony? A little horse play!

Read more!

Steve, Bob and Jeff are all working on some very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realise they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good with this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do it. After two hours, he returns carrying a six-pack of beer. "So, did you tell her?" Asks Jeff. "Yep." Replies Bob. "Hey, where did you get the six-pack?" "She gave it to me." "What?!" Exclaims Jeff. "You just told her that her husband died, and she gave you a six-pack?!" "Sure. When she answered the door, I asked her whether she was Steve's widow. 'Widow?' She said. 'No, no..I'm not a widow. You must be mistaken.' So I said, 'I'll bet you a six-pack you are!'"

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Bruno ! Bruno who ? Bruno more tea for me !

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Che ! Che who ? Che what your made of !

Read more!

- What do you think about the coming battle, General? - God knows it will be lost. - Then why should we go for it? - To find out who is the loser.

Read more!

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

Read more!

Q. What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? A. Donut seeds.

Read more!

The social worker asked the bartender "What's the difference between your job and mine?" The bartender replied: "I only had to go to bartender school for 6 weeks and I learned to mix a very good drinks, than wait a couple of hours to have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to school for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session after session using technique after technique, and you still may never hear them!!!

Read more!

Policeman: Didn't you see my lights flashing? Motorist: No, I was going faster than the speed of light.

Read more!

Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" he asked. "My brakes went out," Jill said. "Can you come to get me?" "Where are you?" John asked. "I'm in the drugstore," Jill responded. "And where's the car?" John asked. Jill replied, "It's in here with me."

Read more!

A monster goes to a petrol station and says: Fill me up The man at the petrol station replies: You have to have a car for me to do that!. The monster replies: But I had a car for lunch!

Read more!

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse practitioner warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies."

Read more!

What do elephants sing at christmas ? Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...

Read more!