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Baby jokes

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Underwear.

Underwear who?
Underwear my baby is tonight?

 

Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone. "Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over, we're having a real wildass party." "Shit, Ah'd shore love to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea." "Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah buddies'll drink anythin'!"

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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

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What is the hottest part of a man's face? His sideburns.

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Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.

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Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore

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Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school. Mother: That's my son. Teacher: Oh! I'm so sorry. Mother: You're sorry?

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What do you call a grasshopper with no legs ? A grasshover !

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Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome, the caring, and the majority.

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What goes eek, eek, bang? A mouse in a minefield !

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A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"

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How does a pig write home? With a pig pen.

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Police Chief: Why are you putting handcuffs on that building? Officer: I'm making a house arrest

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Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?" Jesus says, "Just hanging around."

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When the crooked hamburger took it on the 'lamb', where did it go? Oh, 'ewe' know!

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What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes !

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Q: What is 61 to a blonde? A: She wants 8 (ate) more.

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Male secretary : "Feel free to use my dictaphone." New blonde employee : "No thanks, I'll just use my finger like everyone else."

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Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. "No," said Mom. "It's glue." "I thought so," said Janet. "I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today."

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Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Defendant: "Yes, it's true." Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?" Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Asia ! Asia who ? Asia mum in?

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