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Baby jokes

My new baby is the image of his father.
Never
mind. just so long as he's healthy.

 

It was Halloween and three vampires went into a saloon and bellied up to the bar. "What will you have?" the bartender asked. "I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied. "I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second. "I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third. "OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"

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Did you hear why they closed the Seattle Kingdom? While the crowd was doing the wave, two blondes drowned.

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Which burgers can tell your fortune? Medium burgers!

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What would you get if you crossed a cow with a rabbit? Hare in your milk!

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What did the werewolf eat after he'd had his teeth taken out? The dentist.

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Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

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How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard.

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What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside ? An elephant disguised as a banana !

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Camper: There's a leak over my bunk! Counselor: Don't complain. It only leaks when it rains.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Anne ! Anne who ? Anne apple just fell on my head !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Celery ! Celery who ? Celery me you lunch will you, I'm hungry !

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

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Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

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Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today. Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.

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Is it good to drink witch's brew? Yes, it's very newt tricious!

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There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Kleptomaniac Barbie ...doll with suction cup hands

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Q. Why did the blonde get so excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle after only 6 months? A. Because on the box it said: From 2-4 years.

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Q: What do you call the loser in a hissing, scratching cat fight? - A: Claude

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What is the cat's favourite TV show ? The evening mews !

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A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, "This is a muck up!" "Don't you mean a stick up?" asked the girl. "No," said the robber, "it's a muckup. I've forgotten my gun."

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