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Bird jokes

Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken
!

 

Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.

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What happens if an axe falls on your car? You have an ax-i-dent (accident).

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Why do dentists like potatoes? Because they are so filling.

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Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar Don't worry you'll soon change!

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Girl 1: "Can I invite a few friends to your Halloween party?" Girl 2: "Sure. The more, the scarier!"

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What famous chiropodist ruled England ? William the Corn-cutter!

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Judge: All your responses to the questions must be oral. Do you understand? A: Yes Judge: What school did you attend in the fall of 1995? A: Oral.

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Little monster: Mom I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your tea.

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What's a snakes favourite dance ? The mamba !

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What happened to the cold jellyfish ? It set !

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What do lightning bolts do when they laugh? -They crack up

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Q. What's the difference between 'weather' and 'climate'? A. You can 't 'weather' a tree, but you can 'climate'!

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If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull!

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What US state has the most cows? Moosouri!

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A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"

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How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye

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Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you!

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What is the hottest part of a man's face? His sideburns.

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Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!" "That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?" "I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!" "One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. "Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist." "A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?" "Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."

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Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.

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