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Bird jokes

Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken
!

 

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.

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What's a zombie's favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

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What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ? A petticoat !

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Do you love me? Of course Then whisper something soft and sweet in my ear Lemon meringue pie !

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Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. "It's amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan could lift all these people!"

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Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA "Gosh!" he said, "If n only that job was in Texas, Ah'd take it!"

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One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road.' 'Why don't you look for it there?' 'Because the light's better here!'

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Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.

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What do you call a lady pig planting seeds? A sow sow.

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A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference: "Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father." "That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"

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It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest: "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin." "But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

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Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

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Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did? A: A dead girlfriend.

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Wife: "Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?" ! Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

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What dog rides a horse named Macaroni? Yankee poodle!

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What do you call an egg from outer space? An unidentified flying omelet!

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Q: What do little trees say on Halloween? A: Twig or treat.

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Delmer: How'd you like the play last night over at the high school? Parley: I only seed the first act, but not the second. Delmer: Why didn't you stay? Parley: I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program, 'Two Years Later.'

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How do you make rude noises on the Internet? With a whoop e-cushion.

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