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Bird jokes

Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken
!

 

The Chocolate Bar by Ken I Havesum

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A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says "Open wide." "I can't" replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."

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Why are fish so smart? They are always in schools!

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How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar? She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'

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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!

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The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor. "Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."

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Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot. 'Don't waste your time,' Pat hollered. 'The rifle is not loaded.' 'I can't wait,' Mike shouted back. 'The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!'

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Burns ! Burns who ? Burns me up !

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Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you.

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Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.

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When a blonde goes to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat ? Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row

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Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.

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Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund? He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

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Why do elephants have trunks ? Because they would look silly carrying suitcases !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bark ! Bark who ? Bark you car on the drive !

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A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!" "Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"

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- Who likes music? - asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

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Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off? A: Saves time.

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Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.

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