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Bird jokes

Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken
!

 

Police Officer: Why were you speeding? Women Driver: I was late for traffic school.

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Q: What do you call a cat who's joined the Red Cross? - A: A first-aid kit!

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What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa!

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What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.

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Which dance will a chicken not do ? The foxtrot !

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Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs? To give the ants a chance.

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A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no," you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway.The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. "That was great,"the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

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What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia? A puppy.

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It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

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Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.

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What does a bee get at McDonalds ? A humburger !

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Q: Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering? A: Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

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If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? One dollar. You don't know your arithmetic. You don't know my father !

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What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court!

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Something happened to me yesterday that will never, ever, happen to me again. How can you be so sure? I was 10 years old yesterday.

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Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - now he owes fifty-five million.

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Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door. Yours, Sherlock Holmes Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes? Lemon-entry my dear watson.

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Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God When did this start? Well first I created the sun, then the earth...

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"Why are you so excited?", the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized. "But doc, this is my first operation." "Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all."

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What is the slowest racehorse in the world ? A clotheshorse !

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