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Dentist jokes

A patient came to
his dentist with problems
with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I
do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

 

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars. The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing?" he asks the drunk. "I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it." "So how does feeling the roof help you?" He asked the drunk. "Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!!"

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Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"

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How do you make a Venetian blind? Poke him in the eye

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Horror Stories by R. U. Scared

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Q: What did the first stoplight say to the second stoplight? A: Don't look I'm changing!!

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In what state will you find the most cows? Moo York!

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Why did the cowboy's car stop? It had Injun (engine) trouble.

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Vampire 1: "I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died." Vampire 2: "How awful!" Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time."

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Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ? Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !

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Q.Why is a dog scared of a fire? A.It doesn't want to become a hot dog.

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Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool ? Because they couldn't hold their trunks up !

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What do you call an Arab dairy farmer? A milk sheik.

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Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

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Why do pigs have flat snouts? From running in to trees.

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Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Teacher: Now go on from there. Fred: Jack, Queen, King.

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The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?" "I do." "Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?" "Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

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A biologist from the North Pole was showing a new recruit the ropes of a polar bear radio tracking program. The new recruit said, "I know how the transmitters work, but I have one question--how do you catch the polar bears in the first place?" "I bet you use high-powered tranquilizer dart guns, right?" "Oh no!" the experienced biologist replied, "we use an ancient Eskimo technique, developed centuries ago. First, we dig a huge hole in the ice. Next, we place a circle of green peas all the way around the hole. Then, we go hide behind some ice blocks and wait. Finally, when a polar bear comes up to take a pea, we kick him in the ice-hole !!!"

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Q: What do a blonde and a car have in common? A: They can both drive you crazy.

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Auntie Maud bought herself a new rear-engine European car. She took an old friend for a drive, but after only half a mile the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. "Oh. Maud," said her friend, "you've lost your engine!" "Never mind, dear," said auntie. "I've got a spare one in the trunk."

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Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.

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