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Dentist jokes

A patient came to
his dentist with problems
with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I
do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

 

I'd like a new frog, please. But you bought one only yesterday. What happened? It Kermit-ted suicide.

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A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush. The phone was now working fine--except that all money was being returned upon completion of each call. A repairman arrived within the hour!

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What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ? Santa Clues !

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What happens when a cow stops shaving? It grows a Moostache.

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Winnie-the-Pooh is eating a roll. Piglet arrives. - Give me some roll, Winnie! - It's not a roll, it's a bun. - Give me some bun, Winnie! - It's not a bun, it's a bap. - Give me some bap, Winnie! - Get lost, you pig! Stop being such a pain in the neck! You can't even make up your mind!

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Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

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What goes into the mouth of a quarter horse? Two bits!

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Why can't the Philippines field an ice hockey team? The players all drowned in spring training.

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Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor.

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Which rabbit was in Western movies? Hopalong Cassidy.

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A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white." To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"

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What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch, ouch! A vampire with a rotten tooth.

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Customer: This fish isn't as good as what I ordered here last month. Waiter: That's funny. It's from the same fish.

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What do you call a witch who climbs up walls? Ivy.

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What did the really ugly man do for a living? He posed for Halloween masks.

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A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would there be any "we" in the first place."

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A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?" "I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

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My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !

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Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash.

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A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out my web site!" The hound asked for the address and the dalmation responded, "www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.

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