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Dentist jokes

A patient came to
his dentist with problems
with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I
do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

 

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

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On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot". Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you". The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

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At the end of the night a man leaves the bar. Outside he sees a nun. He walks over to her and slaps her in the face. Then he punches her in the stomach and knocks her over. He proceeds to kick her several times and when he's done he bends down to her and says, "not so tough tonight, are you Batman?"

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. 'Why, of course,' comes the reply. The first man then asks, 'Where are you from?' 'I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man. The first man responds by saying, 'You don't say. I'm from Ireland too. Let's have another round to Ireland.' 'Of course,' replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks, 'Where in Ireland are you from?' 'Dublin,' comes the reply. 'I can't believe it,' says the first man, 'I'm from Dublin too. Let's have another drink to Dublin.' 'Of course,' replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, 'What school did you go to?' 'St Mary's,' replies the second man, 'I graduated in 1962.' 'This is unbelievable,' the first man says. 'I went to St Mary's and I graduated in 1962 too.' About that time, one of the regulars comes in and sits down at the bar. 'What's been going on?' he asks the barman. 'Nothing much,' replies the barman. 'The O'Malley twins are drunk again.'

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What do owls sing when it is raining ? 'Too wet to woo' !

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Brother ! Brother who ? Brother-ation, I've forgotten your name !

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What kind of ears do trains have? Engineers (engine ears).

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What is another way to describe a cat ? A heat seeking missile !

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What is a dentist's office? A filling station.

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What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer? A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.

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A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there. A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died." "Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends." "Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."

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Why do pigs like February 14th? They get lots of Valenswines.

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What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.

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Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois? The first offense they give you Bears tickets and the second offense they make you use them.

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A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. "Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked. "The side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

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Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?" "Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."

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"I didn't see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead." "That's not true, vicar. And I've got the fish to prove it!"

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Why was the ladybird kicked out of the forest? Because she was a litter bug.

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