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Dentist jokes

"I came in to
make an appointment with the
dentist." said the man to the receptionist.

"I'm sorry sir."
she replied. "He's out right now, but..."

"Thank you,"
interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient.
"When will he be out
again ?"

 

The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer, don't plug it in. 3) If you do plug it in, sell it and return to step 1.

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Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up. Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary. "Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?" The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand." She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the o dds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?" Again he went through his tables. "Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion." Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office. And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

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A man drinking at the bar for three hours, yells at the bartender for another drink. The bartender walks over and tells the man that he has already had too much to drink. The man looks up from his glass angrily and shouts. "I have been drinking for 36 years and I have no idea when I have had too much ...so how the hell do you know?"

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Why is President Carter important to Hamburger Land in April? One the opening day of the baseball season, he throws out the first meatball!

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Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!

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What is stronger an elephant or a snail ? A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its trunk !

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Q: What do you call Italian women in a sauna? A: Gorillas In The Mist!

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What did the Eskimo children sing when their principal was leaving? Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

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What equine likes to cut in line? A sawhorse!

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Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your grandma's bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.

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How do you fix a broken website? With stick e-tape.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Alma ! Alma who ? Alma-nack !

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Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds.

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Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test? A. Drool.

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A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.

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What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular

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What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? Hoppalong Cassidy.

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"Dad," said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. "I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow." "OK, son," said his dad, "I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."

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I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake? No!

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If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she? Dead.

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