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Dentist jokes

"I came in to
make an appointment with the
dentist." said the man to the receptionist.

"I'm sorry sir."
she replied. "He's out right now, but..."

"Thank you,"
interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient.
"When will he be out
again ?"

 

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing. Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active." Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now." Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

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Why did the girl take a ruler to bed? She wanted to see how long she slept.

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Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That's where you wash all your vegetables!

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What did Clinton say when accused of copying his homework from his girlfriend at Oxford? I did not have textual relations with that woman.

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What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old ? Six weeks old !

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Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!

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Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage.

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Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag ? They can lighten your load !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Crock and Dial ! Crock and Dial who ? Crock and Dial Dundee !

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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

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What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

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What did the monster say to his psychiatrist? 'I feel abominable.'

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It has been said that the United States has the best congressmen money can buy.

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A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do that !!!" The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and Clinton politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.

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Yo mama so ugly she got beat up by her imaginary friends

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Strong Winds by Gail Force

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Did you hear about the cannibal who went vegetarian? He couldn't stop eating swedes.

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest." The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away. "Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow? The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

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Policeman: Why didn't you stop at that red light? Motorist: Then you would have caught up with me.

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The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. "No mis" he replied

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