Accountant jokes
An accountant visited the Natural History
museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor:
"This
dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did
you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and
the guide told me that the dinosaur is
two billion years old."
| Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed? To catch her false teeth. |
| What do you call an aardvark that's been thrown out of a pub? A barredvark! |
| Two owls were playing pool. One said, "Two hits." The other replied, "Two hits to who?" |
| Horror Stories by R. U. Scared |
| Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents? A: Absolutely nothing. |
| What do you get if you cross a student and an alien ? Something from another universe -ity ! |
| What is a dentist's office? A filling station. |
| "Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Good God !" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc !" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't !" said the dentist. "That was the echo." |
| Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown. |
| Why are elephants wiser than chickens ? Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?! |
| How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level. |
| What do you use to cut the ocean? A seasaw |
| Knock Knock Who's there ! Bargain ! Bargain who ? Bargain up the wrong tree ! |
| Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? A: The knocking always speeds up. |
| What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula. |
| What does a baby computer call his father? Data. |
| A man was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the man. "It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE." |
| A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly. |
| What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose. |
| Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering? The noise gave her a headache. |
