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Dentist jokes

As the judge said to the dentist: Do you

swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the

tooth?

 

The ninety-year-old man was in for his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry an eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse practitioner warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man shrugged, "If she dies, she dies."

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What do elephants sing at christmas ? Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...

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An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground. As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"

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It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the cou rt without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young lass. Tim looked over and beheld the most beautiful, graceful, blue-eyed woman he's ever seen in all his life. He gasped, "I don't understand it!" The young beauty answered, "Well I'm sure I don't either, I was walking along minding my own business, when all of a sudden I stepped on a duck."

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What do lovesick owls say when it's raining? Too-wet-to-woo.

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A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore." The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."

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I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. What high hopes you have !

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Mother: Why was the phone busy all night? Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

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Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.

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yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!

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A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says "Open wide." "I can't" replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."

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Why are fish so smart? They are always in schools!

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How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar? She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'

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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!

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The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor. "Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."

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Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot. 'Don't waste your time,' Pat hollered. 'The rifle is not loaded.' 'I can't wait,' Mike shouted back. 'The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!'

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Burns ! Burns who ? Burns me up !

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Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you.

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Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.

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Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.

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