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Dentist jokes

As the judge said to the dentist: Do you

swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the

tooth?

 

A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do "69". "What the hell is that?" asks the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain,"I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine." Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a rip-roaring fart. "What was that for?" he asks. "Oops! Sorry, lets try it again." she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going?" she asks. The guy says, " If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy!

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What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant.

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What do you call a sheepdog's tail that can tell tall stories ? A shaggy dogs tale !

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Did you hear about the man who received a tip on a horse called Cigarette? He didn't have enough money tabaccer!

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How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Social scientists do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

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What insect runs away from everything ? A flee !

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Jill tells her husband, "Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," Jack says, "why I hardly know the girl."

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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied. The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" Th e groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes." The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal." The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

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Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered. The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me." The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?"

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How do you make a bandstand? Take away their chairs

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What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d

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Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits! What, you mean those square ones? Yes! The ones you put butter on? Yes! Oh, You're Crackers!

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Q: How did bulldogs get such flat noses? - A: From chasing cars.

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An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him. He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Again nobody answered. The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff." The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?" The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"

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Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to work? A: A buzzness suit!

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Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works, doesn't it?

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I can't find a shark website.... That's cos you're dum dum, dum dum, dum dum, dumb......

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What's brown and furry on the inside and clear on the outside? King Kong in clingfilm

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cosi ! Cosi who ? Cosi has to !

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Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

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