advertisements

Dentist jokes

Why does a dentist seem moody?
Because he
always looks down in the mouth.

 

Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.

Read more!

Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you !

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do!

Read more!

All of the firefighters at my station are quick. They're even "fast" asleep!

Read more!

Did you hear about the Iranian terrorist who switched off the fans of his stolen helicopter because he couldn't stand the draft?

Read more!

How do you turn a Fox into a Pit Bull? Marry her !

Read more!

Men are like vacuum cleaners. They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.

Read more!

What should you do if a monster runs through your front door? Run through the back door.

Read more!

A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night. All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door. After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, "Who are you? What do you want?" "I'm staying here!" "Stay there, then," she retorted, and slammed the window shut!

Read more!

There is a Shreveport cable TV channel that broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of the NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he should go into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would sometimes watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just for fun.

Read more!

Q: Why don't women have men's brains? A: Because they don't have penises to put them in.

Read more!

How did the dog make anti-freeze? He stole her blanket.

Read more!

Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.

Read more!

Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick's looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, "well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I've just found out that he actually died in the auschwitz concentration camp." Patrick says, "that's terrible, did he go to the gas chamber?" and Mick replies, "no, he fell out of the machine gun tower."

Read more!

What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor ? Ones going to itch and the other is itching to go !

Read more!

What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ? A common tater !

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Abel ! Abel who ? Abel to see you, ha, ha!

Read more!

Men are like chocolate bars. Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Read more!

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two-one to do it and one to steady the chandelier. A: None, they only screw the poor

Read more!

A cargo plane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door bursts open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, copilot, navigator, and a passenger. The passenger happens to be George W Bush. (Why?} Maybe, he was on his way to check on the coca plant life in South America!") The masked gunman held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place." The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the copilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The copilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those other two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us." The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the passenger's head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place." No one said a word, at first, then the pilot, co-pilot, and navigator all brust into laughter. "He's George W Bush!" they laughed. "He doesn't have any brains!"

Read more!