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Dentist jokes

Why does a dentist seem moody?
Because he
always looks down in the mouth.

 

Dentist: "You don't need to open your mouth any wider. When I pull your tooth I expect to stand outside."

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Q: Why don't men fake orgasm? A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.

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Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me One at a time please

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An American, a Jew and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Jew and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So, of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here." "That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Jew was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his!"

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Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper? He had his own frog-horn.

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How did the octopus lovers walk down the road? Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm.

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Mad men are given a test to prove they are getting normal their teacher draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out. They tart fighting but one remains sitting and the teacher goes to him and asks why he didn't join others and he says "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"

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Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one.

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What's musical and holds gallons and gallons of beer? A barrel organ.

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A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, "May I please see your permit?" I don't have one," confessed the musician. "In that case, you'll have to accompany me." "Splendid!" exclaimed the musician. "What shall we sing?"

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If an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and a donkey is the symbol of the Democratic Party, what is a pig the symbol of? Any party where there's lots of food.

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QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

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Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

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What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show? I wish I could hear you whinnie.

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Did you hear about the bear hunter? Well, he was out hunting for bears one day, and soon came across a large, trophy sized bear. He raised his rifle and took careful aim. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, the bear turned and began to speak to him! "Isn't it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let's negotiate the matter," said the bear. Lowering his rifle in shock, the hunter thought a second, and then replied, "I want a fur coat."

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A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Brazil ! Brazil who ? Brazil support a girls chest !

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At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea." Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?" Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."

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Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

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