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Dentist jokes

Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary
out?...He was
already taking out a tooth

 

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." A ninety-year-old man was accused of raping a twenty-year-old. "So, did you do it?" his lawyer asked. "Of course not," the old man replied. "But I was so flattered, I pleaded guilty."

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A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

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SIX PHASES OF THE MONTH IN NAVY RECRUITING 1. ENTHUSIASM 2. DISILUSIONMENT 3. PANIC 4. SEARCH FOR THE GUILTY 5. PUNISHMENT OF THE INNOCENT 6. PRAISE AND HONORS FOR THE NON-PARTICIPANTS

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A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" asked the captain. "Throw out an anchor, sir." replied the naval student. "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" asked the captain. "Throw out another anchor, sir." answered the student. "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?" asked the captain. "Throw out another anchor." replied the student. "Hold on," said the Captain. "Where are you getting all your anchors from?" The naval student replied, "From the same place you're getting all of your storms, sir."

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What are the pigs warned to look out for in New York? Pigpockets.

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Republicans first began thinking like Republicans when they stopped believing in Santa Claus. Democrats became Democrats because they never stopped believing in Santa Claus.

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On a narrow mountain's road a man saw a police car driving uphill backwards. - Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards? - Because we are not sure that we will find the place to make u-turn on the top of the mountain. After one hour the same man saw the same police car driving downhill backwards again. - But guys, why are you driving backwards again? - We have found the place to make u-turn up there.

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When should you feel sorry for a skunk? When its spray pump is out of order!

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What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? -Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary breeze

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A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

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Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!

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And what's your name?" the secretary asked the next new boy. "Butter." "I hope your first name's not Roland," smirked the secretary. "No, ma'am. It's Brendan."

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Barbara ! Barbara who ? Barbara black sheep, have you any wool...!

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One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."

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Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping. Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them to make sure they are seen.

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An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine

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The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

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Yo mama middle name is Rambo.

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Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out.

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Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.

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