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Dentist jokes

Patient:Do you extract teeth
painlessly?
Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my
wrist

 

Q: What do Israeli soldiers do when they get bored? A: They go over to the West Bank & the Gaza Strip and get stoned.

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A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."

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We have a young married couple in the neighborhood who are truly inseparable. Last week, it took four Howard County Policemen and a dog.

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My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was.

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A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion." And then, in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too: "Oh Lord," he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

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On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, "What's a four -letter word ending in "unt" which means "woman"? The bishop said, "Did you try "aunt"? The Pope said, "Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?"

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What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.

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What do naked fish play with ? Bare-a-cudas !

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What is the wasps' favorite song? Just a Spoonful of Sugar.

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How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony !

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What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !

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Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

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Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell me.

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Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

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How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard.

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What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside ? An elephant disguised as a banana !

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Camper: There's a leak over my bunk! Counselor: Don't complain. It only leaks when it rains.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Anne ! Anne who ? Anne apple just fell on my head !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Celery ! Celery who ? Celery me you lunch will you, I'm hungry !

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

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