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Dentist jokes

Patient:Do you extract teeth
painlessly?
Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my
wrist

 

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, saying, "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $400. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

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Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard.

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What weighs 4 tons and is bright red ? An elephant holding its breath !

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Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles.

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What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy.

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Two Irish friends greeted each other while waiting their turn at the bank window. "This reminds me of Finnegan," remarked one. "What about Finnegan?" inquired the other. "'Tis a story that Finnegan died, and when he greeted St. Peter, he said: 'It's a fine job you've had here for a long time.' 'Well, Finnegan,' said St. Peter, 'here we count a million years as a minute and a million dollars as a cent.' 'Ah!' said Finnegan, 'I'm needing cash. Lend me a cent.' 'Sure,' said St. Peter, 'just wait a minute.'"

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When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. "I have," said Fred. "How much?" asked the manager. "I don't know exactly," said Fred, "I haven't shaken it lately."

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How do you make a glow worm happy ? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted !

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A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically. The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard?" The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said: "What was the date again?"

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Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.

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Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!

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Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.

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Why did the dog run in circles? He was a watchdog and needed winding.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a banana ? Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?

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Q: How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.

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What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd? He called the piano tuna!

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Have you seen www.needleinahaystack.com? Yes, but it took ages to find.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Alec ! Alec who ? Alec-tricity. Isn't that a shock !

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What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra? Tuskanini.

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Are you in the top half of your class ? No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible !

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