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Dentist jokes

Patient:Do you extract teeth
painlessly?
Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my
wrist

 

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch.

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Why is food better than men? Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

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Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche? At a ghastly station.

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What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split!

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A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightning and torrential rain. 'You can't go home in this,' said one of his friends, ' you'd better stay the night.' 'That's very kind of you,' said the boy. ' I'll just run home and get my pyjamas.'

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A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically. The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard?" The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said: "What was the date again?"

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The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?" The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!" The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's not worth so much celebrating!"

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First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!

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Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."

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Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!

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An American tourist was visiting a quaint country village, and got talking to a farmer in the local pub. "And have you lived here all your life, Sir?" asked the American. "Not yet, m'dear," said the farmer wisely.

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To whom do fish go to borrow money ? The loan shark !

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What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.

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What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time ? Cross mouse cards !

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Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I'm all out of carrots. What should I do? Friend: Don't worry; be hoppy!

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What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball ? A bouncing baby boa !

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What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

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