Dentist jokes
Patient:Do you extract teeth
painlessly?
Dentis: "Not always, the other day I nearly dislocated my
wrist
| What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A Lassie who plays brassie! |
| What game do 18 dogs like to play during the summer? Woofleball |
| Barber: Your hair is getting grey, Sir. Customer: I'm not surprised - hurry up, will you? |
| Is there a mouse in the house ? No, but there's a moose on the loose ! |
| Polceman: "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night." Man: "What's the charge?" Polceman: "Oh, there's no charge. It's all part of the service. |
| Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit. |
| What TV game show do fish like best? Name that tuna! |
| What do naked fish play with ? Bare-a-cudas ! |
| What did the ghost serve at his Halloween party? Hallowieners! |
| A Director arrives below and is met by Satan who shows him around. Turns out that Hell is a gigantic movie studio with the latest and best equipment, stages, great actors, etc. Director thinks its great and asks Satan what heaven is like if hell is this good. Satan says heaven is exactly like this, a movie studio. The Director is confused. "Then what's the difference," he asks. Satan smiles. "Well, in heaven they actually *make* movies." |
| How many men does it take to open a beer? - None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. |
| What makes an ideal present for a monster? Five pairs of gloves one for each hand. |
| What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t. |
| Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo" |
| When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. "Step aside, lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first aid." The woman watched him for a few minutes, then tapped his shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here." |
| Knock Knock Who's there ! Celery ! Celery who ? Celery me you lunch will you, I'm hungry ! |
| The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security. |
| One day, an out-of-work man knocks on the door of a home in an upper-class neighborhood. The lady of the house answers. "Pardon me Mam, Im out of work and looking for any odd jobs that people need done. I'm very handy with everything from repairs to yard work, to painting..." "Painting?" the woman jumped in. "Oh, yes, Ma'am! Im a very careful painter," the man replied, his face brightening at the realization she could provide him some work. "I'll tell you what. My husband just bought some green paint last week to paint the porch out back with, but we haven't had any time. If you can do a good job, then you can paint it before he gets home and surprise him. "Now, do a particularly good job and paint the trimmings white also, and I'll pay you an extra bonus." "Oh yes, Ma'am, I'll do an excellent job!" He was told the paints were also around back in the garage. nA few hours later, the man returns to the door. "That was quick, did you do a good job?" the woman inquires. "Oh yes Ma'am, two coats! But there's something you should know," the man says. "That's not a Porsche, thats a Mercedes!" |
| Son: Where are the Himalayas? Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them. |
| What do you call a pig that took a plane? Swine flu! |
