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Letter jokes

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning,

and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.
"What's the
matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my
favorite nephew. He's got three
feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her
friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie,
"his mother's just written to tell me he's
grown another foot !"

 

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

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Q: Did you hear about the Blonde who got a pair of water-skis? A: She's still looking for a lake with a slope.

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Neck Exercises by G. Rarff

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The Japenese Way of Death by Harri Kirri

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How do they dance in Arabia? Sheik-to-sheik (cheek).

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A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells: "No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

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An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wif e. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

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Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!

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What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

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How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.

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A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."

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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

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If the State of the Union is really "the best it's ever been" Why do we "need" dozens of new government programs to fix it!

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Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!

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1st Witch: What's your new boyfriend like ? 2nd Witch: He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too !

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Dan had been studying whales for over 20 years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds and to translate them into English. His latest research had proved that they can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked what could they possibly have to say at such distances he replied, "As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you hear me now?

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Policeman: Why did you stop your car, get out, and yell "coward" at the traffic signal? Motorist: The light just turned yellow.

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Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

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What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes? Get a small hankie!

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What has long ears, four legs, and is worn on your head? An Easter bunnet!

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