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Letter jokes

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning,

and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.
"What's the
matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my
favorite nephew. He's got three
feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her
friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie,
"his mother's just written to tell me he's
grown another foot !"

 

Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac? A: 9.81 m/s2

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A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate "oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own business !

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What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

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Why did the condom cross the road? Because it was pissed off.

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Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh, crumbs.

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What was King Arthur's favourite game ? Knights and crosses !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Alice ! Alice who ? Alice N. Tew if you'll listen to me !

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What did the stamp say to the envelope? "I've become attached to you."

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A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"

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A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

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A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage on their route through the rubbled buildings. Sergeant Joe thumps his chest and proclaims. "I got me 4 germans bagged so far. Howabout you John?" Before Pfc John can reply, a lone german soldier runs out of a trashed hotel. In the process of throwing down his rifle after seeing the larger allied soldier group, he shouts "NEIN!" Pfc John takes aim at the enemy and shoots him. "Well, he wont get himself a tenth allied soldier." Joe all year long!

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Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.

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Tourist: The flies are awfully thick around here. Don't you ever shoo them? Native: No, we just let them go barefoot.

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What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !

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Waiter, there is a fly in my soup! Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.

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Mega Bites by Amos Quito

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Why did the cowboy get a hot seat? Because he rode the range.

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Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

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What dog would you want on your American football team? A golden receiver!

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What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill ? "Pack your trunk and clear out !"

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