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Letter jokes

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning,

and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.
"What's the
matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my
favorite nephew. He's got three
feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her
friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie,
"his mother's just written to tell me he's
grown another foot !"

 

If a word in a dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

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What does FCPA stand for? Finally Caught Pinching the Assets

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How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures? They never cry over spilt milk !

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Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef!

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Why do elephants do well in school ? Because they have a lot of grey matter !

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What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? - Quattro Sink-o

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What language do they speak in Cuba ? Cubic !

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What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you, I'll just have a slither.

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What do you get if you cross a centipede and a chicken ? Enough drumsticks to feed an army !

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The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones ,do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" "I do." "Now what do you say to defend yourself?" "Your Honor, under those limitations... nothing."

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Where is the best place to hide a lawyer? In a brief case.

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What goes eek, eek, bang? A mouse in a minefield !

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What's a rabbits' favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback!

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Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan? Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.

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How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces.

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A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's up?' he says. 'I'm having a heart attack,' cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialling. his four-year-old son comes up and says, `Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your wardrobe and he's got no clothes on!' The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. 'You jerk,' yells the husband, 'my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!'

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A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off."

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Baby ! Baby who ? Baby love, my baby love.... !

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What's the definition of a Parapet? Pet parrot kept by parachutist!

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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!

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