advertisements

Letter jokes

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning,

and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.
"What's the
matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my
favorite nephew. He's got three
feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her
friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie,
"his mother's just written to tell me he's
grown another foot !"

 

There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Hunchback Barbie ...pull the string and she cries, "Sanctuary! Sanctuary!"

Read more!

Why did the bird join he air force? He wanted to be a parrot trooper!

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties? A: Women!

Read more!

All You Need to Know about Explosives by Dinah Mite

Read more!

The Steel Band by Lydia Dustbin

Read more!

How was the hamburger murdered? First it was 'rolled,' then smothered in onions

Read more!

Q: What's the best place to photograph Clinton Administration officials? A: A police lineup.

Read more!

Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless. Patient: I'm not.

Read more!

What is a dog's favourite Easter treat? Jelly bones!

Read more!

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the re st of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying: "Cindy, you have sinned."

Read more!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Read more!

Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.

Read more!

Where did all the cuts and blood come from? The school went on a trip!

Read more!

What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded? Bring on their subs!

Read more!

What do you call a very rude bird ? A mockingbird !

Read more!

When the office photo-copies began to look faint, the office manager called in a local repair service. The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning. The tech suggested that someone might try reading the operator's manual and perform the job themselves, since it would cost $100.00, if he did the work. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asks, "Does your boss know you are discouraging business?" "Actually, my boss demands we explain this to all our customers". "After people try first to fix things themselves, we end-up making much more money on repairs"

Read more!

Soderling, the star college halfback, was taking a math exam. The coach desperately needed him to play in the Syracuse game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him an oral exam. "All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are there in a circle?" "Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big is that there circle?"

Read more!

If a woman is born in Italy, grows up in England, goes to America and dies in Baltimore, what is she? Dead.

Read more!

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee? A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.

Read more!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad!

Read more!