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Letter jokes

Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma

like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well,

Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly.

 

Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge ? Because it turns "ice" into "mice" !

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Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania? Dracula's dentist.

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What is a drill team? A group of dentists who work together.

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Q: Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy? A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

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Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

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A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer." The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

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What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

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A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

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What kind of hair do oceans have ? Wavy !

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Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ? Anita you like I need a hole in the head !

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What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.

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Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

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Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

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A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian life?" "Terrible," he said gruffly, "all those people around and nobody in charge!"

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Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit ? They are both ginger nuts !

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What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.

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Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

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Who is the dogs favourite comedian ? Growlcho Marx !

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What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!

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