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Letter jokes

Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma

like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well,

Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly.

 

Mr Evans was the Chief Accountant of a large manufacturing concern. Every day, on arriving at work, he would unlock the top drawer of his desk, peer at something inside, then close and lock the drawer. He had done this for 25 years. The entire staff was intrigued but no-one was game to ask him what was in the drawer. Finally the time came for Mr Evans to retire. There was a farewell party with speeches and a presentation. As soon as Mr Evans had left the building some of the staff rushed into his office, unlocked the top drawer and peered in. Taped to the bottom of the drawer was a sheet of paper. It read, "The debit side is the one nearest the window."

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Q: Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement windows? A: It took her six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.

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Q: How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? A: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into the disk drive.

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Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.

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What kind of elephants live in Antartica ? Cold ones !

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First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.

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What do stupid kids do at Halloween ? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins !

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When did Caesar reign ? I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did, didn't they hail him ?

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A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does he end up marrying? The most beautiful one..

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When do men insist that women are illogical? When a woman doesn't agree with them.

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Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? A. In the pages of a romance novel.

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Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you? Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.

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What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet? "Behave or Frankenswine will get you."

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Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand.

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Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

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Which football team to you need to connect up your computer? Leeds.

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A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? Q. They think their picture is being taken.

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Personally, I like to stay and read the credits. When the last scene of Titanic faded to black and people began rushing for the exits, I shouted: "Quick! There are only enough cars in the parking lot for half of us!"

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What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull!

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What is a dog's favourite sport ? Formula 1 drooling !

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