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Dirty jokes

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How
much for a blow job
?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and
began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For
hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do
you ?"

 

There were these three little old ladies sitting on a park bench minding their own business when suddenly a flasher jumped in front of them and exposed himself...the first old lady had a stroke...the second old lady had a stroke...but sadly the third old lady couldn't reach!!!

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Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn't translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.

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What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can't dip a vampire in your tea.

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Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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What do you call a small parent? A minimum !

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What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer? A fair cop.

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Two men were having a drink together. One said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife." "Why's that?" asked the other. "Because she's always trying to bite my head off," he replied.

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What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy that!

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Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !

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Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots? I never make rash promises!

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What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him ? He's bee-witched !

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What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea ? A bee in a submarine !

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How do you find white shirts on the Internet? Use a starch engine.

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Where do ghosts mail their letters? At the ghost office.

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Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.

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A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says, "My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU ???"

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If an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and a donkey is the symbol of the Democratic Party, what is a pig the symbol of? Any party where there's lots of food.

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Waiter, there is a frog in my soup ! Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him !

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What kind of dog is the most colorful? A paint Bernard!

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How many hairs are in a dog's tail? None. They are all on the outside.

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