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Dirty jokes

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How
much for a blow job
?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and
began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For
hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do
you ?"

 

Q: Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy? A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

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Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

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A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer." The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

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What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

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A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

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What kind of hair do oceans have ? Wavy !

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Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ? Anita you like I need a hole in the head !

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What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.

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Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

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Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

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Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

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Who is the dogs favourite comedian ? Growlcho Marx !

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What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!

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What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant ? An animal that tells you everything that it remembers !

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What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.

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Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!

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Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Kowalski finally said, "Janzek, I'm takin' the next tree we come to, whether it has lights on it or not!"

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Knock Knock Who's there ? Cotton ! Cotton who ? Cotton a trap !

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Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador

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