advertisements

Dirty jokes

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How
much for a blow job
?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and
began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For
hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do
you ?"

 

A 90 year man finally gets to see a Dr. and the dr. asks him what the problem is, the man says he wants the Dr. to lower his sex drive. The Dr. is taken aback a bit but finally asks the man, just how old are you? The man answers I am 90. The Dr., still a little confused says you are 90, and you want your sex drive lowered? Yes said the man, it's all in my head and I want you to lower it.

Read more!

1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator? Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

What do you call the rabbit up the elephant's sweater ? Terrified !

Read more!

What did the farmer say when his fat pig wouldn't fit into the pen? "There's more there than meets the sty."

Read more!

What jumps up and down in front of a car ? Froglights !

Read more!

Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor.

Read more!

Q: How does Al Gore spell potato? A: T-A-T-E-R.

Read more!

What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider? A harenet.

Read more!

Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

Read more!

Q: How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan.

Read more!

What did the city worker say after his first ever pony trek? I never knew anything stuffed with hay could be so hard!

Read more!

What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late ? Your spinning me a yarn here !

Read more!

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

Read more!

A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a group of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to quickly come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the Aggiess started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride on camels walking two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole process. One Aggie stopped giggling long enough to stand and read the team's effort. He said, 'Tim and I, a hunting went, we came upon three women in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I buk one and Timbuktu!'

Read more!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm invisible Who said that?

Read more!

How do whales type e-mails? With their fish fingers.

Read more!

What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

Read more!

My teacher loves me - she puts kisses against all my sums.

Read more!

An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am planting them too deep."

Read more!

Have you seen www.tomatosauce.com? No, I'll ketchup with it later.

Read more!