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Dirty jokes

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How
much for a blow job
?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and
began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For
hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do
you ?"

 

Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.

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Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund? He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

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Why do elephants have trunks ? Because they would look silly carrying suitcases !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bark ! Bark who ? Bark you car on the drive !

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A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!" "Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"

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- Who likes music? - asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

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Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off? A: Saves time.

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Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.

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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.

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"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

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One idiot said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

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What insect lives on nothing ? A moth, because it eats holes

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bride ! Bride who ? Bride and Prejudice !

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Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for backup!

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Mother: Does your teacher like you ? Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper !

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Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent!

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Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his teeth.

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Doctor, Doctor you've taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you !

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What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do!

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All of the firefighters at my station are quick. They're even "fast" asleep!

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