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Dirty jokes

Harry approached a prostitute and asked, "How
much for a blow job
?".
"Hundred Bucks".
"OK", he said and
began to jerk off.
"What the hell are you doing that for?"
"For
hundred bucks you don't think I'm going to give you the easy
one, do
you ?"

 

Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.

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Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry? Because it's always on a sundae!

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My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She's fine. But, the dog died.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Buffer ! Buffer who ? Buffer you can say Jack Robinson !

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Who sends flowers on Valentines Day? Cupigs!

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Police Chief: Why did you arrest that doctor? Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.

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If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why not ? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.

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What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ? Fang letters !

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Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

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CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

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An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wif e. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?"

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Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!

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What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

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How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.

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A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."

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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

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If the State of the Union is really "the best it's ever been" Why do we "need" dozens of new government programs to fix it!

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Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!

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1st Witch: What's your new boyfriend like ? 2nd Witch: He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too !

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What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes? Get a small hankie!

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