Doctor and nurse jokes
Doctor:
You seem to be in
excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as
clockwork.
Patient:
That's because you've got your hand on my watch!
| What do you call an elephant that can't do sums ? Dumbo ! |
| Q: Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used? A: No matter where you sat you were behind a Pole. |
| Which route should you take through the woods when riding a fizzy horse? The psycho-path! |
| Why did the farmer call his horse Baseball? Because it's covered with horsehide! |
| Knock Knock Who's there ! Cassie ! Cassie who ? Cassie the forest for the trees ! |
| Which two letters of the alphabet are nothing? MT (empty) . |
| What a woman says: "This place is a mess C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!" What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C'mon blah, blah, blah, blah, you and I blah, blah, blah, blah, on the floor blah, blah, blah, blah, no clothes blah, blah, blah, blah, right now ! |
| Q: How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: WHAT? |
| Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon. |
| Q: Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning? A: So they have something to do in the afternoon. |
| Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw a drunken man. One said to the other, "You bite him ? I'm driving." |
| Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again. |
| What do you call an unusual rabbit? A rare hare. |
| Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot. |
| When do vampires bite you? On Wincedays. |
| What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow ? Slush puppies ! |
| Q: How do you take census in a Polish village? A: Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it. |
| Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones? Mrs Jones: Yes, very much. Girl: That's funny. My mom said you didn't have any taste. |
| What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby, I think I'm falling for you! |
| Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business. |
