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Doctor and nurse jokes

Doctor:
You seem to be in
excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as
clockwork.
Patient:
That's because you've got your hand on my watch!

 

Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry? Because it's always on a sundae!

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My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She's fine. But, the dog died.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Buffer ! Buffer who ? Buffer you can say Jack Robinson !

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Who sends flowers on Valentines Day? Cupigs!

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Police Chief: Why did you arrest that doctor? Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.

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If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why not ? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.

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What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ? Fang letters !

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Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

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CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

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Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into a lake? To a weterinarian!

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What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

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How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.

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A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."

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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

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If the State of the Union is really "the best it's ever been" Why do we "need" dozens of new government programs to fix it!

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Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!

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1st Witch: What's your new boyfriend like ? 2nd Witch: He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too !

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What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes? Get a small hankie!

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What has long ears, four legs, and is worn on your head? An Easter bunnet!

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Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He's the one with a duck.

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