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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM,

SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red
light.

 

What do you call a pig with three eyes? ...A piiig

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There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Teenage Mutant Ninja Barbie ...one of the Turtles with Barbie head

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Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night.

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A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter. "Wait a minute," he says to the clerk, "When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?" "Fluctuations." says the clerk. The Japanese man stiffens. "Well! Fluck you Americans, too!"

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What did the cat say when he lost all his money ? I'm paw !

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Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

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Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!

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How can you tell a dog from an elephant? The elephant remembers.

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What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes? Get a small hankie!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Boise ! Boise who ? Boise ivy !

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How can you tell if a man is cheating on you? He has a bath more than once a month.

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What do pigs like with chow mein? Sooey sauce.

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Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.

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I'm not going back to school ever again Why ever not? The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!

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Laugh and the class laughs with you. But you get detention alone !

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A man is walking down the street when he hears a voice, "Pssst you come over here!" He looks round and can see no one but an old mangy greyhound. "yes over here!" Said the greyhound "Look at me I'm tied up here, I should be racing I won 14 races in my carrer you know?" The man thought to himself "Oh my god a talking dog, I have to have it, it will make me rich, tv appearances cabaret bookings" So he goes in search of the owner. He found the owner and said "I'd like to buy your dog, is he for sale??" The owner says "No mate you don't want that old moth eaten thing!" "But I do!" Insisted the man "I'lll give you 1000 pounds for him. "Ok said the owner but I think your making a big mistake!" Handing over the money the man said "Why do you think that?" The man replied "Because that dogs a bloody liar it's never won a race in it's life!"

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A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."

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Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot." At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"

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Little boy to airline pilot: "You're a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting." Pilot: "Not if I do it right."

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Why do ducks have webbed feet ? To stamp out forest fires !

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