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Rabbit jokes

Did you hear about the pub owner who raised

a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare!

 

Who can beat any burger at golf? Any LINKS sausage!

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A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate "oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own business !

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Did you hear about the boy who was known as Fog ? He was dense and wet !

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What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !

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Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.

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Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was killed by a garter snake? Betty: That's impossible. A garter snake is not poisonous. Bob: It doesn't have to be if it can make you jump off a cliff!

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The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Brian ! Brian who ? Brian drain !

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Why does a man only get half-hour lunch-breaks? So his boss doesn't have to retrain him.

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Q: What do you call counterfeited German currency? A: Question marks.

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Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her"

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How does a Snowman get to work? By icicle.

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How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant!

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Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

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A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, 'How is this possible?' The guy says,'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

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Catching Criminals by Hans Upp

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"Where's the car?" asked Professor Delbert's wife when he got home. "Did I take it out?" "Yes, you drove it to school this morning." "I suppose you're right, my dear. I remember now that after I got out, I turned to thank the man who gave me a lift and wondered where he'd gone."

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Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him.

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An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex." A ninety-year-old man was accused of raping a twenty-year-old. "So, did you do it?" his lawyer asked. "Of course not," the old man replied. "But I was so flattered, I pleaded guilty."

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A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."

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