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Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

And what's your name?" the secretary asked the next new boy. "Butter." "I hope your first name's not Roland," smirked the secretary. "No, ma'am. It's Brendan."

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Barbara ! Barbara who ? Barbara black sheep, have you any wool...!

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One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."

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Republicans always take the price tag off expensive gifts before wrapping. Democrats also remove price tags off pricey gifts ... and reposition them to make sure they are seen.

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An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine

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The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

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Yo mama middle name is Rambo.

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Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo? One to get in and one to get out.

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Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.

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What did Noah do while spending time on the ark ? Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms !

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Why is the old, decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!

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Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? A: It's too little to be out alone.

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What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot.

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Why was the pig unhappy in the Minors? Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.

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Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies.

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What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow? -Your pants are on backwards

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Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

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What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand ? Birdsthigh fish fingers !

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What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla? Anything it wants!

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What do Filipinos call Canada? Upper U.S.

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