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Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

Did you hear about the Jewish doctor who gave a patient six months to live? When the patient couldn't pay, the doctor gave him another six months.

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Knock Knock Who's there ? Chef ! Chef who ? Chef Bridges !

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Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box.

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Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.

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Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

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What do you call a snake who works for the governement ? A civil serpent !

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Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !

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Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ? On squid row !

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Q: Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love? A: They got married in the spring.

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What's the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.

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What has long ears, hops and likes websurfing? The e-aster bunny.

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"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Brian told his best friend Mike. "Why not add some intrigue to your life, and have an affair?" his friend suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, we are almost on the begining of the 21st centrury, Brian. Go ahead and tell her about it!" So Brian went home and said, "Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together." "Forget it," said his wife. "I've tried that many times - it never worked."

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When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."

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What is a mouse's favourite game ? Hide and squeak !

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Father: How were the exam questions? Son: Easy Father: Then why look so unhappy? Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!

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Yo momma so bald head she put a weave cap on and it weave her cull

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What do elephants say as a compliment ? You look elephantastic !

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A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

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Who said "Shiver me timbers!" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew.

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You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all. Well neither can a fence!

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