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Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

What do you do with old cannon balls ? Give them to elephants to use as marbles !

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Did you hear about the Oklahoma idiot who married an American Indian? They had a baby and wanted to name it to reflect both races. So they called it Running Dummy.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Aleta ! Aleta who ? Aleta from the tax man !

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The head doctors in an insane asylum had a meeting and decided that one of their patients was potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies. When they get to the movie theater, there are signs of wet paint pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down, but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down. The doctors get all excited cause they think maybe he's in touch with reality now. So they ask him, " Why did you put the newspaper down first?" He answers, "So I'd be higher and have a better view."

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

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What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter? Coloured eggrolls!

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Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.

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YO MAMA IS SO FAT WHEN YOU GO AROUND HER YOU GET LOST!

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What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby, I think I'm falling for you!

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How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb? Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.

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A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly. The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc. Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them. "No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "That's the female." "The Czech is in the male."

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A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

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What did one firefly say to the other ? Got to glow now !

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Q.How is a heart like a musician? A.They both have a beat :)

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Why do managers bring suitcases along to away games? So that they can pack the defence!

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What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands? A pocket watch.

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How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !

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How are tigers like sergeants in the army ? They both wear stripes !

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Witch l: "How do you manage to stay in shape?" Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."

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Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles.

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