advertisements

Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday. How is she now ? She's fine. But, the dog died.

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! Buffer ! Buffer who ? Buffer you can say Jack Robinson !

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

Who sends flowers on Valentines Day? Cupigs!

Read more!

Police Chief: Why did you arrest that doctor? Officer: He was trying to take someone's pulse.

Read more!

If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left ? I don't know. Why not ? In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.

Read more!

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers ? Fang letters !

Read more!

Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

Read more!

CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

Read more!

What cheese is made backwards? Edam.

Read more!

How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.

Read more!

A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, "You can go home now."

Read more!

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

Read more!

If the State of the Union is really "the best it's ever been" Why do we "need" dozens of new government programs to fix it!

Read more!

Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere!

Read more!

1st Witch: What's your new boyfriend like ? 2nd Witch: He's mean, nasty, ugly, smelly and totally evil - but he has some bad points too !

Read more!

Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He's the one with a duck.

Read more!

What is small, furry and smells like bacon? A hamster.

Read more!

Jay: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven? Ted: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.

Read more!

Q. What's te definition of a bachelor pad? A. All the house plants are dead, but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

Read more!

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Read more!