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Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween? Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

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Karen: Have you noticed that Daddy is getting taller ? Sharon: No, why ? Karen: His head is sticking through his hair.

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The world's most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "They're yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked. "I'm tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I won't have to work to get on the horse." "But the squirrel?" asked the genie. "I need something to go 'click-click' to start the horse!!!"

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Bad timing for an excuse Teacher: Why were you late? Pupil: Sorry, teacher, I overslept. Teacher: It's three in the afternoon!

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A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure." The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

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A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?" "I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

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A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes,' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not se it so, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now.' 'Well,' said the gatekeeper. 'That is a very minor sin. You may enter.' 'Thank you very much, Saint Peter,' the professor ansvered. 'Im am not Saint Peter,' said the gatekeeper. 'He is having his lunchbreak. I am Saint Lucas.'

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Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!

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What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.

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Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom? Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

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A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "You buyin'?"

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What's a snake's favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !

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Q. Where do fish sleep? A. In a river bed

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Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?

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Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg? Because they're both cracked!

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What do insects learn at school ? Mothmatics !

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What two letters do you say when you answer the phone? LO

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What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits? Wheelburrows!

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What food is good for the brain? Noodle soup.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Blair ! Blair who ? Blair play !

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