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Elephant jokes

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

 

What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

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A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

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What kind of hair do oceans have ? Wavy !

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Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ? Anita you like I need a hole in the head !

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What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.

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Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

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Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

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What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant ? An animal that tells you everything that it remembers !

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What vegetable needs a plumber? A leek.

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Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films? He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!

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Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees. They looked all day without any luck. Near nightfall Kowalski finally said, "Janzek, I'm takin' the next tree we come to, whether it has lights on it or not!"

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Knock Knock Who's there ? Cotton ! Cotton who ? Cotton a trap !

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Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador

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What do you call a pig with the flu? A swine swine.

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A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some couples in the act. When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to him was knitting. He tapped on the window and said he was with the police department then asked how old he was and the guy said, "I'm 22 sir." "Well how old is she?" the officer then asked. Looking at his watch the guy replied, "She'll be 18 in about 6 minutes."

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What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist? An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

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Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!

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How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bridget ! Bridget who ? London Bridget, is falling down, falling down... !

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