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Food jokes

What sort of soup do
skeletons like?
One
with plenty of body in it.

 

Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to work? A: A buzzness suit!

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Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works, doesn't it?

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I can't find a shark website.... That's cos you're dum dum, dum dum, dum dum, dumb......

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What's brown and furry on the inside and clear on the outside? King Kong in clingfilm

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cosi ! Cosi who ? Cosi has to !

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Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

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A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger i n the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

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Yo mama is so fat...that she makes Godzilla look like an action figure

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What goes "Clip"? A one legged horse!

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Young Bradley arrived at his date's house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. "What're you doin'?" asked his girlfriend. "How come your shirt is soakin' wet?" "Well," said Bradley, "it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR."

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What did the spider say when he broke his new web ? Darn it !

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A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."

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Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow? Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

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What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !

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What did the answering machine say to the telephone? Take my word for it.

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What people travel the most? Romans.

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yo mama's o fat she supplies 99% of British gas.

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Why do you keep going back to that fishing website? I can't help it, I'm hooked.

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Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?" A few minutes later, Timmy returned. "Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?" "She's fine, except that she's angry at you." "At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?" "She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'" snickered Timmy.

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A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?" "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "NO!" exploded the teacher.. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?" "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. "I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!"

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