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Food jokes

What sort of soup do
skeletons like?
One
with plenty of body in it.

 

Why did your brother give up his job in the biscuit factory? Because he went crackers.

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Why did the bald man go outside ? To get some fresh hair !

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I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!

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Q. What did Snow white say when her photos didn't come back from the photo store? A. "Some day my prints will come!"

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Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Defendant: "Yes, it's true." Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?" Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."

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How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Just one. To threaten suicide if you don't change it for him/her.

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How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony !

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What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Beef ! Beef who ? Beef fair now !

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What's black and white and turns cartwheels? A piebald horse pulling a cart!

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How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but 200 applied for the job.

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Why did Frankenstein's monster give up boxing? Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.

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Q: How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one, if he's got a good crew to do it.

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Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom. "Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!" "Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!" Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?" '

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Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'N I L'. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity ,The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky. Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and wispered, .... ...... "Is Nothing Sacred?"

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Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia ? Pupil: Fred did !

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A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a group of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to quickly come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the Aggiess started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride on camels walking two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole process. One Aggie stopped giggling long enough to stand and read the team's effort. He said, 'Tim and I, a hunting went, we came upon three women in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I buk one and Timbuktu!'

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You've failed history again ! Well you always told me to let bygones be bygones !

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What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ? I don't know, I wasn't invited !

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What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.

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