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Food jokes

What sort of soup do
skeletons like?
One
with plenty of body in it.

 

What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat? A bigger target.

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What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time ? Cross mouse cards !

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Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I'm all out of carrots. What should I do? Friend: Don't worry; be hoppy!

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What do you get if crossed a new born snake with a basketball ? A bouncing baby boa !

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What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

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What is the proper weight for a lawyer? About 3 pounds, .......not counting the urn!

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Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute !" Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous !!!"

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Psychiatrist: Well, what's your problem? Patient: I prefer brown shoes to black shoes. Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself. Patient: Really? How do your like yours - fried or boiled?

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Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs? A: By their names.

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An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "To the kitchen." She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replies, "Sure." She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He says, "No, I can remember that." She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that." He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down." With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

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How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group? Look for gray hares.

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One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"

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What type of music do lightning bolts listen to? -Rock and Roll

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Which ghost ate too much porridge? Ghouldilocks.

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Do you know the 20th President of the United States ? No, we were never introduced !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Candice ! Candice who ? Candice get any better !

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Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business.

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Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case.

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What does a bee say before it stings you ? This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !

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