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Food jokes

What sort of soup do
skeletons like?
One
with plenty of body in it.

 

What does a bee say before it stings you ? This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !

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QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? ANSWER: Milk and honey.

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Q. What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it.

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What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger? The bogeyman.

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What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.

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Why did the boy become an astronaut? Because he was told he was no earthly good.

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What is a goal keepers favourite snack ? Beans on post !

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If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!

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Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. "No," said Mom. "It's glue." "I thought so," said Janet. "I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today."

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Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did you do on Earth?' The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, 'you may go in.' St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her 'you may go in.' St. Peter asked the third man, 'what did you do?' The man hung his head and replied, 'I ran a large HMO.' To which St. Peter replied, 'you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.'

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Q: How many circus performers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go! A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Adder ! Adder who ? Adder you get in here ?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Almond ! Almond who ? Almond the side of the law ! Kn

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Ammonia ! Ammonia who ? Ammonia a poor little sparrow !

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Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear. Amazing ! so you have. How could that have happened ? I can't understand it either, because I planted cabbage !

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An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!" Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

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Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they're always out for blood!

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Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

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Have you seen www.yawn.com? Yes, but I'm a bit tired of it.

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Where does King Kong sleep? Anywhere he wants to.

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