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Waiter jokes

Waiter,
waiter, do you have frog's
legs?
Certainly, Sir!
Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!

 

A biologist from the North Pole was showing a new recruit the ropes of a polar bear radio tracking program. The new recruit said, "I know how the transmitters work, but I have one question--how do you catch the polar bears in the first place?" "I bet you use high-powered tranquilizer dart guns, right?" "Oh no!" the experienced biologist replied, "we use an ancient Eskimo technique, developed centuries ago. First, we dig a huge hole in the ice. Next, we place a circle of green peas all the way around the hole. Then, we go hide behind some ice blocks and wait. Finally, when a polar bear comes up to take a pea, we kick him in the ice-hole !!!"

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What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.

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What's a zombie's favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

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What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ? A petticoat !

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Do you love me? Of course Then whisper something soft and sweet in my ear Lemon meringue pie !

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Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. "It's amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan could lift all these people!"

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Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA "Gosh!" he said, "If n only that job was in Texas, Ah'd take it!"

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One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road.' 'Why don't you look for it there?' 'Because the light's better here!'

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Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.

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What do you call a lady pig planting seeds? A sow sow.

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A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference: "Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father." "That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"

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It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest: "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin." "But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

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Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an additional three hours in the airport. "How come?," his nephew asked. "My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained. "Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents."

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First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

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Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly ? She was pretty ugly

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Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Harry: That was a kind thought. But why didn't you? Fred: I couldn't find one big enough for your nose.

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Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he did? A: A dead girlfriend.

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Wife: "Why don't you ever callout my name when we're making love?" ! Husband: "Because I don't want to wake you."

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What dog rides a horse named Macaroni? Yankee poodle!

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