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Waiter jokes

Waiter,
waiter, do you have frog's
legs?
Certainly, Sir!
Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!

 

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747. I said "Hi Jack." He shot me.

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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ? A bird that will talk you ear off !

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What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish ? Tweetie Pie !

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My brother's just opened a shop. Really? How's he doing? Six months. He opened it with a crowbar.

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What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ? Carpet !

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What goes "Clip"? A one legged horse!

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Young Bradley arrived at his date's house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. "What're you doin'?" asked his girlfriend. "How come your shirt is soakin' wet?" "Well," said Bradley, "it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR."

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What did the spider say when he broke his new web ? Darn it !

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A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper. She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is. The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."

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Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow? Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

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What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !

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What did the answering machine say to the telephone? Take my word for it.

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What people travel the most? Romans.

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yo mama's o fat she supplies 99% of British gas.

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Carpet Fitting by Walter Wall

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How does Santa Claus take pictures? With his North Pole-aroid.

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What do cows usually fly around in? Helicowpters and Bulloons.

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Q: What do blonde's have against condoms? A: Their cheeks.

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A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open. "You must have made a mistake" says the shocked dentist, "The gynecologist's office is one level higher." To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."

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Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a telephone pole? A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone

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