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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

A minister gave a talk to the

Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't
tell his wife
that he had spoken about sex, so he said he had discussed
horseback
riding with the members.

A few days later, she ran into some men at
the shopping center and they
complimented her on the speech her
husband had made.

She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the
subject matter, as
he's only
tried it twice. The first time he
got so sore he could hardly walk, and
the
second time he fell
off."

 

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !

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Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?" "Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."

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"I didn't see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead." "That's not true, vicar. And I've got the fish to prove it!"

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Why was the ladybird kicked out of the forest? Because she was a litter bug.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cash ! Cash who ? Cash me if you can !

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Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.

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A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly. "Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never live to tell anyone."

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What would a pig name a chain of food stores? "Stop "N Slop Markets"

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When pigs have a party, who jumps out of the cake? Nobody. The pigs all jump in.

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Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness? - He refused becuase he hadn't seen the accident.

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What do clouds want to be when they grow up? -Thunderstorms

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Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

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Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring.

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Clinton goes around telling people we humans are genetically 99.9% similar. Apparently the 0.1% is the character gene.

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Q: What do you say to a dog before he eats? - A: Bone appetite!

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I just spotted a Chihuahua! That wasn't very nice, you shouldn't draw on dogs!

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What disease do horses fear most? Hay Fever!

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Why did King Kong paint the bottoms of his feet brown? So that he could hide upside down in a jar of peanut butter.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Asa ! Asa who ! Asa-int amongst men !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Becca ! Becca who ? Becca the net !

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