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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One
sat in the window seat, the other in
the middle seat. Just before
takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got
on and took the aisle seat next to the
Arabs. He kicked off his
shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke."

"No
problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he
was gone,
the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the

Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good.

I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Israeli obligingly
went to fetch it, and while he is gone
the Arab other picked up the
other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli
returned with the coke, and
they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight
to New York.


As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe
s
and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must
this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples..... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
peeing in
cokes?"

 

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

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First cannibal: We had burglars last night. Second cannibal: Did they taste good?

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Once there were two chinese gentlemen named Mr. Ho and Mr. Chen. They were neighbors but happened to be very competitive. One day Mr. Ho decided to start a shoe business, he named his store WE DO SHOE. now Mr. Chen decided he must compete with Mr. Ho, so he started a shoe business right next door to Mr. Ho's store and he named it SHOE DO WE.

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When do ghosts usually appear? Just before someone screams.

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He is so dumb, he thinks an agent is someone who keeps track of your age!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Czech ! Czech who ? Czech before you open the door !

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This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I'll never forget that game of cards...

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Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your supper.

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Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensitive.

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Where do retired pigs go for warm weather? The tropigs!

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I went to a restaurant that serves -breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

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Who invented the telephone? The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

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What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !

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What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.

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Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.

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What is a duck's favorite TV show ? The feather forecast !

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I looked into a blonde's eyes, but all I saw was the back of her head!

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How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet? They were both dating the same girl in high school.

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At what time do most people go to the dentist? At tooth-hurty (2:30).

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A guy went out on the golf course took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground. When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them, and she said,You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before." He tore off his pants and said, "Look at this. It's still in the crate!"

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