advertisements

Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One
sat in the window seat, the other in
the middle seat. Just before
takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got
on and took the aisle seat next to the
Arabs. He kicked off his
shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke."

"No
problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he
was gone,
the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the

Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good.

I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Israeli obligingly
went to fetch it, and while he is gone
the Arab other picked up the
other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli
returned with the coke, and
they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight
to New York.


As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe
s
and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must
this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples..... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
peeing in
cokes?"

 

What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger? A big mac.

Read more!

Q: Which way did the programmer go? A: He went DATA way!

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

If a cat won an Oscar, what would he get? An a-cat-emy award.

Read more!

What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD? Having your dentist tell you.

Read more!

What kind of dog is the most colorful? A paint Bernard!

Read more!

How many hairs are in a dog's tail? None. They are all on the outside.

Read more!

How do you communicate with a fish? You drop it a line!

Read more!

Q: What did one strawberry say to the other? A:"Look at the jam you've gotten us into!"

Read more!

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? Hoblin Goblin.

Read more!

What duo were famous for stealing horses? Bonnie and Clydesdale!

Read more!

Why is an egg like a young horse? Because it can't be used until it's broken!

Read more!

During a break on a North Dakota office building project, one of the construction workers approached Pyle. "Ah heard the boys is gonna strike," he said. "What fer?" asked Pyle. "Shorter hours." "Good fer them!" said the redneck. "Ah always did think sixty minutes was too long fer an hour!"

Read more!

Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash? - He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado

Read more!

The teacher was furious with her son. "Just because you've been put in my class, there's no need to think you can take liberties. You're a pig." The boy said nothing. "Well! Do you know what a pig is?" "Yes, Mom," said the boy. "The offspring of a swine."

Read more!

Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life? A: Grade six.

Read more!

The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs. "Do you realize what time it is?" she asked. He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house." Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?" His answer was, "A round of drinks!"

Read more!

How do you know you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Read more!

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Read more!

Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar. He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women. The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man that would jump from the rich guy's pocket. The little man would run up and down the bar, kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger. Then the little guy would jump back into the man's jacket for a while. The barman went over and asked the guy what was up. So the rich guy says, "Well, let me tell you a little story. I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp. I rub it, and a genie popped out. I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy. Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both." The barman asks, "So what about that little guy in your jacket?" "Oh, tha t," mumbles the rich guy. "That's the twelve-inch prick I wished for."

Read more!

The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could handle the story tactfully. The book appeared. It said, "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

Read more!