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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One
sat in the window seat, the other in
the middle seat. Just before
takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got
on and took the aisle seat next to the
Arabs. He kicked off his
shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke."

"No
problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he
was gone,
the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the

Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good.

I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Israeli obligingly
went to fetch it, and while he is gone
the Arab other picked up the
other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli
returned with the coke, and
they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight
to New York.


As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe
s
and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must
this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples..... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
peeing in
cokes?"

 

Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.

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A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. 'What's the matter?' she asked. 'It's my birthday!' he hollered. 'And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there's to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco afterwards. . .' and he had to stop talking because he was crying so hard. 'But that's lovely,' said the old lady. 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm lost!'

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What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade!

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I'm Absolutely Certain by R. U. Sure

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On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!" "That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?" "Just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!" "That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl. "Just a lucky guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy!"

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What kind of robbery is not dangerous? A safe robbery.

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What does a bee say before it stings you ? This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you !

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QUESTION: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? ANSWER: Milk and honey.

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Q. What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it.

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What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger? The bogeyman.

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What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.

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Why did the boy become an astronaut? Because he was told he was no earthly good.

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What is a goal keepers favourite snack ? Beans on post !

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If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!

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Q: Why don't blondes like buttered toast? A: They can't figure out which side the butter goes on.

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What is the best thing to take when you're run over? The number of the car that hit you.

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What kind of thief steals meat? A hamburglar.

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What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal ? That hit the spots !

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A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

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Janet came home from school and asked her mother if the aerosol spray in the kitchen was hair lacquer. "No," said Mom. "It's glue." "I thought so," said Janet. "I wondered why I couldn't get my hat off today."

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