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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One
sat in the window seat, the other in
the middle seat. Just before
takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got
on and took the aisle seat next to the
Arabs. He kicked off his
shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke."

"No
problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he
was gone,
the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the

Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good.

I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Israeli obligingly
went to fetch it, and while he is gone
the Arab other picked up the
other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli
returned with the coke, and
they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight
to New York.


As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe
s
and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must
this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples..... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
peeing in
cokes?"

 

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Who has the most dangerous job in Transylvania? Dracula's dentist.

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What is a drill team? A group of dentists who work together.

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Q: Why did the blonde have a hysterectomy? A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

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Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

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A blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, "Bring me a beer." The bartender then asks, "Anheuser-Busch?" To which she replies, "Fine thanks, and how's your cock?"

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What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.

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A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons. The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

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What kind of hair do oceans have ? Wavy !

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Did you hear about the Georgia accountant who absconded with all the accounts payable?

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Anita ! Anita who ? Anita you like I need a hole in the head !

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What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.

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Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

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Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

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Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit ? They are both ginger nuts !

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Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

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Who is the dogs favourite comedian ? Growlcho Marx !

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What kind of dog doesn't do well in hot weather? A faint Bernard!

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What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant ? An animal that tells you everything that it remembers !

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