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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out
of Washington for New York. One
sat in the window seat, the other in
the middle seat. Just before
takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got
on and took the aisle seat next to the
Arabs. He kicked off his
shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in
when the Arab in the
window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a
coke."

"No
problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he
was gone,
the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the

Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good.

I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Israeli obligingly
went to fetch it, and while he is gone
the Arab other picked up the
other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli
returned with the coke, and
they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight
to New York.


As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoe
s
and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must
this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our
peoples..... this
hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and
peeing in
cokes?"

 

What does an aardvark use when he has a cold? An ant-ihistamine!

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Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane has only 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, "SCREW THE CHILDREN!!" Michael Jackson's face lights up and he shouts, "YES, YES!! But do we have enough time?"

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Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.

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Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely! Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum's too frightened he'll break it!

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Why do hamburgers act brilliantly on stage? They give meaty performances - especially if they are in their prime!

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What kind of car drives over water? Any kind of car, if it goes over a bridge.

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Q: What do Clinton and JFK have in common? A: They haven't had any brains for the last thirty years.

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"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

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One idiot said to the other, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

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What insect lives on nothing ? A moth, because it eats holes

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bride ! Bride who ? Bride and Prejudice !

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Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for backup!

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Mother: Does your teacher like you ? Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper !

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Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent!

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Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his teeth.

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A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender, clearly in trouble. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

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Q: What thoughts do Blondes have after reading these jokes? A: None, as usual... and they most likely didn't understand them either.

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What's the definition of a cannibal? Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!

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Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk!

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Q: What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? A: Anything you want. He can't hear you.

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