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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why were ancient Egyptian
children confused?
Because their daddies were mummies.

 

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?" "A mongoose." "What for?" "Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection." "But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes." "That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

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Dan had been studying whales for over 20 years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds and to translate them into English. His latest research had proved that they can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked what could they possibly have to say at such distances he replied, "As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you hear me now?

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When is it unlucky to see a black cat ? When your a mouse !

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How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in his ears.

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What do you call a tired cow? Milked out!

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Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."

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Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

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Why did your brother give up his job in the biscuit factory? Because he went crackers.

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Why did the bald man go outside ? To get some fresh hair !

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I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!

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Q. What did Snow white say when her photos didn't come back from the photo store? A. "Some day my prints will come!"

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Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Defendant: "Yes, it's true." Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?" Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."

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How many Borderline P.D. does to take to change a lightbulb? Just one. To threaten suicide if you don't change it for him/her.

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How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony !

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What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !

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Two elderly gentlemen, Sam and Harry, were having breakfast. Sam said to Harry, "Harry, why do you have a suppository in your ear?" Harry took the suppository out, looked it over and said, "Sam, I'm really glad you saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

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What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after!

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Once a Sardarji (a caste man in India ) goes to visit a temple on a top of Mt. Abu, where the roads are like a zig-zag. At the starting point towards the Temple, a man tells Sardarji that it will be better to take his car in reverse to the top of Mt. Abu as there will be no space at the top to turn around up there. So, as per the guidelines given by the man, The Sardarji, goes to the top of Mt. Abu in reverse. After sometime the Sardarji comes down of the hill in reverse.. When the man sees him, he asks the Sardarji why he came down the hill in a reverse gear. The Sardarji replies that he got some space at the top of the hill so he reversed his car.

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Q: Did you know that the three wise men were firemen? A: It says they came from afir (a fire, a far).

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Beef ! Beef who ? Beef fair now !

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