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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why were ancient Egyptian
children confused?
Because their daddies were mummies.

 

My sister's a really bad driver. What makes you say that? Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she's run over.

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Motorist: Does a deer have a horn? Police Officer: No, a deer has two horns. Motorist: Then it must have been a car that ran over my uncle.

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Q: What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner? A: 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!

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Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

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Q: What do you get when you cross and Chinese and a Mexican man? A: A car thief who can't drive!

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Did you hear about the ghoul's favorite hotel? It had running rot and mould in every room.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cyril ! Cyril who ? Cyril thing - no imitations here !

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Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome, the caring, and the majority.

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A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."

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Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor.

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Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

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Who was that on the phone, Fred? Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

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When doesn't a telephone work underwater? When it's wringing wet!

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Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?" "Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

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Why did the owl, owl ? Because the woodpecker would peck 'er !

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Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school? I wouldn't fit through the door.

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Policeman: Are you going to a fire? Motorist: No, I'm trying to prevent one. That's what my boss said would happen if I were late again.

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Why do elephants live in the jungle? Because it's out of the high rent district.

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Q: Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? (hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.

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How do you make a Gorilla float? Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla!

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