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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why were ancient Egyptian
children confused?
Because their daddies were mummies.

 

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

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There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Roadkill Barbie ...unrecognizable

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What does a cow like to do by a campfire? Roast Moosmallows!

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Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all bitch.

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Why is food better than men? Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

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Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche? At a ghastly station.

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What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split!

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A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightning and torrential rain. 'You can't go home in this,' said one of his friends, ' you'd better stay the night.' 'That's very kind of you,' said the boy. ' I'll just run home and get my pyjamas.'

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A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically. The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard?" The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said: "What was the date again?"

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The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?" The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!" The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's not worth so much celebrating!"

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First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!

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Q: How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."

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What dog loves to take bubble baths ? A shampoodle !

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How do we know that hamburgers love classic music? They're often found at the Meatropolitan Opera House and Cownegie Hall!

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How do you insult a hamburger patty? Call it a meatball!

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Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend ? They were both driving their cars at the time !

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

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Why don't Purdue athletes eat pickles? They can't get their heads in the jar.

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Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around. Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!

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