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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why were ancient Egyptian
children confused?
Because their daddies were mummies.

 

If CON is the opposite of PRO, is congress the opposite of progress?

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A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists. The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese could do to better the car. The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent it to the U.K. The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car. The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications the other countries had made, turned it over and stamped a sign on it.... MADE IN INDIA!!!

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At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

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Why did the dog run in circles? He was a watchdog and needed winding.

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Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours? A: Nacho cheese!

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A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, "May I please see your permit?" I don't have one," confessed the musician. "In that case, you'll have to accompany me." "Splendid!" exclaimed the musician. "What shall we sing?"

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Why isn't there a Superpig? It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.

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Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.

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Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.

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"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl. "Say, do you know who I am?" asked the girl. "No." "I'm the principal's daughter." "And do you know who I am?" asked the boy. "No," she replied. "Thank goodness!"

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Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card. "What is this 45 in math?" asked her father. "I think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!

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Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac? A: 9.81 m/s2

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A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate "oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own business !

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What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

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Why did the condom cross the road? Because it was pissed off.

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Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread? No. Oh, crumbs.

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What was King Arthur's favourite game ? Knights and crosses !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Alice ! Alice who ? Alice N. Tew if you'll listen to me !

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What did the stamp say to the envelope? "I've become attached to you."

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A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"

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