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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

A little boy walked
down the
aisle at a wedding. As he made his way to the front, he would
take
two steps, then stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between

the bride's side and the groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would

put his hands up like claws and roar. And so it went-step, step,
ROAR,
step, step, ROAR-all the way down the aisle.
As you can
imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by
the time he
reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and
more distressed from all
the laughing, and he was near tears by the
time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child
sniffed back his tears and
said, "I was being the ring bear."

 

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What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.

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My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !

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Where do the cleverest parrots live? In the brain tree forests!

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Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didn't! They found me!

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If George Raft's wife gave birth to twin Gorillas, would they be the Apes of Raft?

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What is a flea's favourite book ? The itch-hikers guide to the galaxy !

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If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.

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Democrats' favorite Christmas carol is "Deck the Halls." Young Democrat's favorite Christmas carol is "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Republican's favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas." Young Republicans' favorite Christmas carol is "White Christmas."

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A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."

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Teacher: Can you count to 10? Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Teacher: Now go on from there. Fred: Jack, Queen, King.

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Our team is doing so badly that "Manager of the Month" isn't an award. It's an appointment!

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Mother: Why was the phone busy all night? Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

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Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.

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An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels. He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it. He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin. Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load. On every occasion there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip. On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath. Nothing. He could never find anything amiss. After a few months of this the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned. A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On a n impulse the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't shop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?" And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."

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Tad answered the Tennessee State frat house phone. "Hi," said the voice, "this is Rollie. Come on over, we're having a real wildass party." "Shit, Ah'd shore love to," said Tad, "but Ah got me a bad case of gonorrhea." "Bring it along!" answered Rollie. "The way thangs is goin', mah buddies'll drink anythin'!"

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Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

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What is the hottest part of a man's face? His sideburns.

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Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.

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Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it? Major Bumsore

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