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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

A lawyer with insomnia consulted
her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The
side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

 

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? "What kind of answer did you have in mind?" Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget.

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What would Economics be without assumptions? Accounting

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What happened when the chicken ate cement ? She laid a sidewalk !

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Beginning Magic by Beatrix Star

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Why do elephants squirt water through their noses? If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.

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What did Noah do while spending time on the ark ? Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms !

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Why is the old, decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!

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Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? A: It's too little to be out alone.

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What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot.

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Why was the pig unhappy in the Minors? Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.

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Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies.

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What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow? -Your pants are on backwards

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Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

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A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent. "I want a round trip ticket," says the man. "Where to?" asks the agent. "Right back to here."

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Big Brother: That planet over there is Mars. Little Brother: Then that other one must be Pa's.

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"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am."

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Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.

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Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

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Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

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What should you do if you see a vicious dog? Hope he doesn't see you.

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