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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

A lawyer with insomnia consulted
her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The
side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

 

What are the aardvark's favorite Beatle's songs? It's Been an Aards Day's Night and I Want to Hold Your Ant!

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The Joys of Horse-riding by Jim Kama

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Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

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Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Reagan ate all the jellybeans.

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"Did you hear? Lament's gettin' a Ph.D." "What does Ph.D. stand for?" "in his case, Pin-headed Dope."

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What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner? Cow chow!

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What is black and white and red all over? A Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of salsa!

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What letter is like a vegetable? The letter P.

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Why did God create men first? Because we learn from mistakes.

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Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?

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Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil: Life imprisonment !

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What gas do snails prefer? Shell.

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How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.

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Boy: Do you have fever? Girl: No, why? Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!

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Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

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A man walking along a country road comes across a farmer droving a huge mob of sheep. He stops and chats for a while and then says, "Tell you what, I'll bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in that flock." The farmer thinks for a moment, it is a big mob and he can't see how anyone could guess correctly so he says, "OK. You're on." "Nine hundred and thirty two," says the man. The farmer takes off his hat and scratches his head. "I don't know how you did it but that's exactly right. A bet's a bet. Take any sheep." The man picks up an animal and is about to walk off when the farmer says, "Hang on. Bet you double or nothing that I can guess your occupation." The man thinks, "How would he know, he's never met me before" and says "Righto. You're on". The farmer says, "You're an auditor with a Big Four firm." The man whistles . "How the heck did you know that?" "Well," says the farmer, "put my dog down and I'll tell you."

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"I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you." "A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?" "That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"

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Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend ? They were both driving their cars at the time !

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Two boys camping out in a backyard wanted to know the time, so they began singing at the top of their voices. Eventually one of the neighbours threw open his window and shouted down at them "Hey, less noise!, don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning!"

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How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just have a nursing assistant do it. As much as the doctor orders.

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