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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

A lawyer with insomnia consulted
her doctor.
"Which side is it best to lie on?" she asked.
"The
side that pays your fee," replied the doctor.

 

How do cats eat spaghetti ? The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!

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Who was the most powerful cat in China ? Chairman Miaow !

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"Doctor," said the patient, "I need help! I can't stop acting like a cat!" "How long have you had this problem?" the doctor asked. "Lest's see," said the patient, "Mom had the litter in '41

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What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny? By hare (air) mail.

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A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

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What do you call a 100 year old frog ? An old croak !

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Look at that bald man over there. It's the first time I've seen a parting with ears.

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Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !

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Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.

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What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?- A wash and wear wolf

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Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

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Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

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Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

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Yo mama's so fat, when she was in school she sat next to everybody!

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They have arrived - Hia Dei Kum

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Q: What do you call it when a cat bites? - A: Catnip!

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Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

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What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Catskills ! Catskills who ? Catskills mice !

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A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train. The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying, "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from." Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...

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