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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Three men: an editor, a

photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami.

They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour.
Halfway
up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the
lamp a genie
appears and says "Normally I would grant you three
wishes, but since
there are three of you, I will grant you each one
wish."

The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest
of my
life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money
worries." The
genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
Thomas.

The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of
my life
living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no
money
worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
the
Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the editor's
turn. "And what would your
wish be?" asked the genie.


"I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the

deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.

 

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

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Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers licence ? A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

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Why did your sister jump out the window ? Because she wanted to try out her new spring suit

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Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A: A superior being.

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When is it unlucky to see a black cat ? When your a mouse !

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Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.

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Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

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What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment ? A flat fish !

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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

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Teacher: You're new here aren't you, what's your name? Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

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Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you? Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!

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Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire ? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, 'Who's a pretty boy then ?'!

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Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn't cook either.

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Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun? -It burns too easily

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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

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Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left.

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A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

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Q: Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it? A: A blonde tried to shoot herself!

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Kung Fu for Beginners by Flora Mugga

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An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, "Oy vey! What a wreck!" The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?" The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken." The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says, "Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves." The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?" "Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'."

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