advertisements

Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Three men: an editor, a

photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami.

They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour.
Halfway
up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the
lamp a genie
appears and says "Normally I would grant you three
wishes, but since
there are three of you, I will grant you each one
wish."

The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest
of my
life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money
worries." The
genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
Thomas.

The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of
my life
living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no
money
worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
the
Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the editor's
turn. "And what would your
wish be?" asked the genie.


"I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the

deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.

 

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Read more!

Losing an Electric Drill by Andy Gadget

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army? You've got no beef, soldier!

Read more!

A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!

Read more!

Are birth control pills deductible? Only if they don't work.

Read more!

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

Read more!

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

Read more!

Knock Knock Who's there ! B-2 ! B-2 who ? B-2 school on time !

Read more!

What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter? Best vicious . . .

Read more!

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !

Read more!

Q: How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

Read more!

What does an astronaut do when he gets angry? He blasts off:

Read more!

What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? Sorry, it was a freak hic!

Read more!

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

Read more!

Who can beat any burger at golf? Any LINKS sausage!

Read more!

A little kid is sitting on a park bench eating abag of chocolates an old man walking by stops to say that if he continues to eat like that he won`t live very long; indignantly the kid says " oh yeah my grandfather lived to be 104 years old" the old man replies "i'm sure he did kid.but it wasn`t from eating all that chocolate "oh no sir" says the kid, it was by minding his own business !

Read more!

Did you hear about the boy who was known as Fog ? He was dense and wet !

Read more!

What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !

Read more!

Sharon: I'm so homesick. Sheila: But this is your home! Sharon: I know and I'm sick of it.

Read more!

Bob: Did you hear about the camper who was killed by a garter snake? Betty: That's impossible. A garter snake is not poisonous. Bob: It doesn't have to be if it can make you jump off a cliff!

Read more!