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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Three men: an editor, a

photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami.

They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour.
Halfway
up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the
lamp a genie
appears and says "Normally I would grant you three
wishes, but since
there are three of you, I will grant you each one
wish."

The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest
of my
life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money
worries." The
genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
Thomas.

The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of
my life
living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no
money
worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
the
Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the editor's
turn. "And what would your
wish be?" asked the genie.


"I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the

deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.

 

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?" "A mongoose." "What for?" "Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection." "But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes." "That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."

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A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, ''What for? Are you going to set it on fire!''

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What do you call a witch who drives really badly? A road hag.

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Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits! What, you mean those square ones? Yes! The ones you put butter on? Yes! Oh, You're Crackers!

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Q: How did bulldogs get such flat noses? - A: From chasing cars.

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An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them. He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Nobody answered him. He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" Again nobody answered. The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?" To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff." The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?" The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"

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Q: What kind of suit does a bee wear to work? A: A buzzness suit!

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Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works, doesn't it?

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I can't find a shark website.... That's cos you're dum dum, dum dum, dum dum, dumb......

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What's brown and furry on the inside and clear on the outside? King Kong in clingfilm

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Cosi ! Cosi who ? Cosi has to !

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Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

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A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger i n the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!"

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Yo mama is so fat...that she makes Godzilla look like an action figure

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I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747. I said "Hi Jack." He shot me.

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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark ? A bird that will talk you ear off !

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What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish ? Tweetie Pie !

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My brother's just opened a shop. Really? How's he doing? Six months. He opened it with a crowbar.

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What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ? Carpet !

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What goes "Clip"? A one legged horse!

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