advertisements

Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why do women have
smaller
feet than men?

- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

 

The big bang by Dina Mite

Read more!

Do robots have sisters ? No, just transistors !

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

Read more!

Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: He doesn't! He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames Republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free.

Read more!

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, saying, "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule once will be fined $50." He continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule a second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $400. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

Read more!

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard.

Read more!

What weighs 4 tons and is bright red ? An elephant holding its breath !

Read more!

Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles.

Read more!

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy.

Read more!

Two Irish friends greeted each other while waiting their turn at the bank window. "This reminds me of Finnegan," remarked one. "What about Finnegan?" inquired the other. "'Tis a story that Finnegan died, and when he greeted St. Peter, he said: 'It's a fine job you've had here for a long time.' 'Well, Finnegan,' said St. Peter, 'here we count a million years as a minute and a million dollars as a cent.' 'Ah!' said Finnegan, 'I'm needing cash. Lend me a cent.' 'Sure,' said St. Peter, 'just wait a minute.'"

Read more!

When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. "I have," said Fred. "How much?" asked the manager. "I don't know exactly," said Fred, "I haven't shaken it lately."

Read more!

How do you make a glow worm happy ? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted !

Read more!

A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically. The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: "Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed an act of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard?" The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said: "What was the date again?"

Read more!

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? A. So they can find their way back to the house.

Read more!

How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ? She's got that down in the mouth look !

Read more!

Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys? Because they soot him!

Read more!

A survey was being taken on the University of Arizona campus. The survey taker asked a soccer player, "What do you think of bilingualism?" "Oh, I think it's okay," said the boy, "if it's between consenting adults."

Read more!

Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off. Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!

Read more!

Fireman rescued a man who was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.

Read more!

Why did the dog run in circles? He was a watchdog and needed winding.

Read more!