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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why do women have
smaller
feet than men?

- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.

 

Knock Knock Who's there ! Baby ! Baby who ? Baby love, my baby love.... !

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What's the definition of a Parapet? Pet parrot kept by parachutist!

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What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!

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Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

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What happens when two burgers fall in love? They live together in holy meatrimony!

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If an electric train travels 90 miles an hour in a westerly direction and the wind is blowing from the north, in which direction is the smoke blowing? There is no smoke from an electric train!

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Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill. Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!"

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Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: "We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again." "Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!" "Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."

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Why are fish so smart? They are always in schools!

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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!

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Yo momma so bald head she put a weave cap on and it weave her cull

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yo mama so fat she sat on a tractor and made it a pick-up truck.

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Why did the chick disappoint his mother ? He wasn't what he was cracked up to be !

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Is this Love? by Midas Wellbee

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How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ? Chick to chick !

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What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold.

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What has four legs and goes, "Oom! Oom!"? A cow walking backwards!

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Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period.

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Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!" "That bad, huh" "She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!"

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How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!

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