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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why couldn't the
alligator
send e-mails on his PC?
Because it was on old croc.

 

A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent. "I want a round trip ticket," says the man. "Where to?" asks the agent. "Right back to here."

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Big Brother: That planet over there is Mars. Little Brother: Then that other one must be Pa's.

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"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?" "Burgers, ma'am."

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Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.

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Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."

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Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

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What should you do if you see a vicious dog? Hope he doesn't see you.

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What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand ? Birdsthigh fish fingers !

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What do you feed a 600 pound Gorilla? Anything it wants!

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What do Filipinos call Canada? Upper U.S.

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Why are spiders like tops ? They are always spinning !

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An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman said, "May I see your license?" The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".

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What is a hurricane's favorite pet? -Anywhere from 1 to 5 cats

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Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.

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A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets 'em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now dont you start anything!!"

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Doctor: The best time to take a bath is before retiring. Patient: You mean I don't need another bath until I'm sixty-five?

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Q: How many blonde jokes are there? A: One - the rest are all true.

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Fred: Where does the new kid come from? Harry: Alaska. Fred: Don't bother - I'll ask her myself.

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A football supporter's favourite Christmas song? 'Yule never walk alone'

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Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows!

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