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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why couldn't the
alligator
send e-mails on his PC?
Because it was on old croc.

 

Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby.

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Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed. What shall I do? Hide the tiddley winks.

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The Chocolate Bar by Ken I Havesum

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A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says "Open wide." "I can't" replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."

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Why are fish so smart? They are always in schools!

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How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar? She was 'Miss Ape-ril!'

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How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!

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The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor. "Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated."

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Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot. 'Don't waste your time,' Pat hollered. 'The rifle is not loaded.' 'I can't wait,' Mike shouted back. 'The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!'

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Burns ! Burns who ? Burns me up !

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Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you.

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Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.

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Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That's funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!

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A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

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There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Picasso Barbie ...everything's in the wrong place

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Why did the boy take the ruler to bed? He wanted to see how long he slept.

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When a blonde goes to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat ? Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row

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Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage.

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Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund? He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

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Why do elephants have trunks ? Because they would look silly carrying suitcases !

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