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Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

Why couldn't the
alligator
send e-mails on his PC?
Because it was on old croc.

 

Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."

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Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?

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Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth. So why did you come around then? Well, I saw this light at the window...!

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What does a Chihuahua play basketball with? A tennis ball!

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Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army? To avoid the draft!

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Becca ! Becca who ? Becca the net !

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Con ! Con who? Con unhinged !

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The Yuppie showered a Yuppette with gifts for over a month. He took her to fancy restaurants and expensive resorts. Finally, he proposed, "Bernie, if you will marry me, I have enough money to provide you with anything your little heart desires." "Sorry John." she replied. "I'm not ready to settle down yet. And besides, you can't buy my love, but if the price is right, I might see my way clear to rent you some."

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A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh." "Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn." "I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know. "Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old."

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What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can't mash Frankenstein.

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Why couldn't the pig pay his bill? He was a little shoat.

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Why can't you trust snakes ? They speak with forked tongues !

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Why did the kid put his clock in the oven. He wanted to have a hot time.

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What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas !

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Q. What has one horn and gives milk? A A milk truck.

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Mother: What do you mean, the school must be haunted ? Daughter: Well, the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

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Where do milk shakes come from? Nervous cows!

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Q: What would you call an Arab who owns a harem of cows? A: A milk sheik!

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What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd? He called the piano tuna!

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Two Virginia boys, Sonny and Rick, went out hunting and split up. Sonny heard some rustling in the bushes and, by mistake, shot his friend. After trying to remove the bullet, he carried Rick to a doctor. Two hours later, after the physician had patched up the wounded hunter, Sonny asked, "Please, Doc. How's my friend?" "Well," answered the M.D., "he'd be a lot better off if you hadn't taken out his gut!"

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