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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees. 'What are you doing?' she asked. 'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road.' 'Why don't you look for it there?' 'Because the light's better here!'

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Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.

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When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of your weight and the captain of your bowling team.

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What do you call a lady pig planting seeds? A sow sow.

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A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference: "Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father." "That notion is ridiculous!" mocked George Jr. "It doesn't matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!"

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It was about a month ago when a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest: "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answered the priest, "that's not a sin." "But I made him agree to pay me 20 Gulden for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind. I have one more question..." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

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Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.

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A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" lawyer asked. "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go," minister replied.

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When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife." That's true," he replied, "as a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives." "How disgusting,"she said,"you should be ashamed of yourself, such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung." With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, mam I am."

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This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I'll never forget that game of cards...

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Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I leave the table? Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your supper.

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Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensitive.

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Where do retired pigs go for warm weather? The tropigs!

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I went to a restaurant that serves -breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

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Who invented the telephone? The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

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What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !

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What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out.

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How did the world's tallest monster become short overnight? Someone stole all his money.

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What do you call a pig thief? A hamburglar!

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Eulus stood in front of the take-out window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers," he said. "One with onions, and one without." The counter man: "Okay. Which one's without the onions?"

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