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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

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Why isn't a dime worth as much today as it used to be? Because the dimes (times) have changed.

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A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES - $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river. Another man is walking down the street a half hour later, sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him with the baseball bat and throws him in the river. Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together and the first man asks, "Do you think they'll serve any food on this cruise?" The second man says, "I don't think so. They didn't do it last year."

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Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup ! No its not, it's a piece of dirt that looks like one !

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What do you call a witch who kills her mother and father? An orphan.

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I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?

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What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope.

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Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. "Well it's not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of...(blah blah waffle)"

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Father: You were absent on the day of the test? Son: No but the boy who sits next to me was!

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Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador

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What do you call a pig with the flu? A swine swine.

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A police man was on duty one night and he headed up to "Make out Mountain" to try to catch some couples in the act. When he got up there he stopped at the first car where a couple sat, and was surprised to see the man was reading and the girl next to him was knitting. He tapped on the window and said he was with the police department then asked how old he was and the guy said, "I'm 22 sir." "Well how old is she?" the officer then asked. Looking at his watch the guy replied, "She'll be 18 in about 6 minutes."

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Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

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Q: What is the missing link between the bass and the ape? A: The baritone.

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What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot.

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Why was the pig unhappy in the Minors? Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.

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On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, "What's a four -letter word ending in "unt" which means "woman"? The bishop said, "Did you try "aunt"? The Pope said, "Mmmm. Do you have an eraser?"

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A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"

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Teacher: You're new here aren't you, what's your name? Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith

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Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you? Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!

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