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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day

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Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping from the basement window.

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A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry. He gives each $1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends $800 and puts $200 in the bank. The second one spends $200 and puts $800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one does he end up marrying? The most beautiful one..

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When do men insist that women are illogical? When a woman doesn't agree with them.

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Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? A. In the pages of a romance novel.

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Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you? Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.

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What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet? "Behave or Frankenswine will get you."

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Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand.

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Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

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FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

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There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

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Fred: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well, at least you can add !

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Why do artists never win when they play football ? They keep drawing !

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What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!

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What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears? Anything you like ? he can't hear you.

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What's a snakes favourite flower ? Coily-flowers !

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Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation? At the Howliday Inn!

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What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.

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Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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What do you call a small parent? A minimum !

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