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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

Q: Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering? A: Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.

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If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? One dollar. You don't know your arithmetic. You don't know my father !

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What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court!

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Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?" "Whada ya win?" "A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years." "How much are they each?" "Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"

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What do you call a pig thief? A hamburglar!

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Waiter: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon. Customer: What bait are you using?

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What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can't mash Frankenstein.

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Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ? Because he liked sole music !

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Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.

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An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!" The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

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How do rain drops marry? -They coalesce

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Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

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Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery!

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What lights up a football stadium? A football match!

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Did you hear about the argumentative skunk? He always liked to make a stink!

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YO MAMAS SO FAT WHEN SHE WEARS A RED DRESS ALL THE KIDS SCREAM LOOK ITS THE KOOLAID MAN y

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"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

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What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch, ouch! A vampire with a rotten tooth.

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What is a bear's favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !

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Why did the tornado get arrested? -For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder

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