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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.

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Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom? Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

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A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "You buyin'?"

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What's a snake's favourite food ? Hiss Cakes !

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What two letters do you say when you answer the phone? LO

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What do you call a mobile homes for rabbits? Wheelburrows!

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The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

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Do you know the time ? No, we haven't met yet !

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Why was the lion-tamer fined ? He parked on a yellow lion !

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CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.

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Fred: "Why are you so upset?" Harry: "My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning." Fred: "So what?" Harry: "So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'."

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What lights up a football stadium ? A football match !

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How do hurricanes see? -With one eye

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What goes eek, eek, bang? A mouse in a minefield !

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What's a rabbits' favourite car? Any make, just as long it's a hutchback!

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Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan? Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.

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How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces.

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Yo momma so bald head she put a weave cap on and it weave her cull

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yo mama so fat she sat on a tractor and made it a pick-up truck.

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A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed. Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?" The other three agreed. The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients." The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want." The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me." The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't kee p a secret..."

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