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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish? A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

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"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!"

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How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

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Yo mama hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.

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A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says, "My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU ???"

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How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but we've had him a long time.

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How does a lobster answer the phone? Shello?

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How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back! And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first

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Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

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An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats. Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" The old preacher mustere d up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

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Why are football grounds odd ? Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits !

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Yo Mama's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."

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Why should you never invite a pig to join your tug-of-war team? Pigs want to be pulled through the mudhole.

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How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ? He prawned everything !

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CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

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Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I can't believe it's not butter.

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The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building". The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

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How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away.

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Q: What's an accordion good for? A: Learning how to fold a map.

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Do pigs like Backgammon? No, they prefer their backs scratched.

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