advertisements

Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats? You know you need a psychiatrist!

Read more!

After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?" "Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground." The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

Father: I hear you skipped school to play football Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it!

Read more!

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

Read more!

Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.

Read more!

Waiter, my lunch is talking to me ! Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich !

Read more!

Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor? A: About 10 pounds.

Read more!

Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test? A. Drool.

Read more!

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.

Read more!

- What do you think about the coming battle, General? - God knows it will be lost. - Then why should we go for it? - To find out who is the loser.

Read more!

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.

Read more!

A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore." The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."

Read more!

I want to be an astronaut when I grow up. What high hopes you have !

Read more!

Mother: Why was the phone busy all night? Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

Read more!

Customer: Why don't you have doggie bags? Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.

Read more!

yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!

Read more!

Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after her vacation? A. I mist you.

Read more!

Yo mama's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.

Read more!

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?" "Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd ever heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!" "Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"

Read more!

- Who likes music? - asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

Read more!