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Letter jokes

What word grows smaller when you add two

letters to it?
Add "er" to short and it becomes shorter.

 

Men don't get lost; they discover alternative destinations.

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Are you in the top half of your class ? No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible !

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Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

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The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "is that when mommy came to work for us?"

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Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving.

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Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

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Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

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How many cops does it take to throw a man down the stairs? None. He fell.

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What person adds best in hot weather? A summer.

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What is hail ? Hard boiled rain !

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One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: "Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?"

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What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle? The candle is a thousand times brighter!

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"Dad, can you write in the dark?" "I think so. What is it you want me to write?" "Your name on this report card."

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"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.

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Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

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Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ? A. Nothing, yet.

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Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play.

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Knock Knock Who's there ! Bass ! Bass who ? Bass the salt and pepper please !

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There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

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