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Letter jokes

Which two letters of the alphabet are

nothing?
MT (empty) .

 

Why did God create men first? Because we learn from mistakes.

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Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?

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Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil: Life imprisonment !

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What gas do snails prefer? Shell.

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How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.

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Boy: Do you have fever? Girl: No, why? Boy: Cause you look hot!!!!!

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Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

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A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum said, "No." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

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Men are like soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

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What would you get if you crossed a monster with a Thanksgiving dessert? Bumpkin pie!

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What happened to Ray when he met the man-eating monster? He became an ex-Ray.

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Witch: Why have you stopped playing cards with my sister ? Wizard: Well would you play with someone who cheats all the time, is a poor loser and keeps tearing up the cards ? Witch: No I wouldn't. Wizard: No, well nor will she.

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Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor.

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Q: How does Al Gore spell potato? A: T-A-T-E-R.

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What do you get when you cross a bunny with a spider? A harenet.

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A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

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A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a group of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to quickly come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the Aggiess started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride on camels walking two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole process. One Aggie stopped giggling long enough to stand and read the team's effort. He said, 'Tim and I, a hunting went, we came upon three women in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I buk one and Timbuktu!'

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Q: How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding? A: Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.

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What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch, ouch! A vampire with a rotten tooth.

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Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving.

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