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Letter jokes

Which two letters of the alphabet are

nothing?
MT (empty) .

 

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.

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Where did all the cuts and blood come from? The school went on a trip!

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What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded? Bring on their subs!

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What can a monster do that you can't do? Count up to 25 on his fingers.

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Where did the piglets study their ABC's? At a school for higher loining.

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"Dad, can you write in the dark?" "I think so. What is it you want me to write?" "Your name on this report card."

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"Waiter, waiter,there's a hand in my soup." "That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl."

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CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming.

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What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ? She calls the flying squad !

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Q. How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish? A. When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

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"It's clear" said the teacher, "That you haven't studied your geography. What's your excuse?" "Well, my dad says the world is changing every day . So I decided to wait until it settles down!"

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How many schoolteachers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

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Yo mama hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.

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A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says, "My God Pete !!! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU ???"

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How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but we've had him a long time.

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How does a lobster answer the phone? Shello?

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How would you get four reindeer in a car? Two in the front and two in the back! And how do you get four polar bears in a car? Take the reindeer out first

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Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

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An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats. Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" The old preacher mustere d up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

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