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Letter jokes

Which two letters of the alphabet are

nothing?
MT (empty) .

 

Q: Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander? A: It's too little to be out alone.

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What was the name of the hog who was knighted by King Arthur? Sir Lunchalot.

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Why was the pig unhappy in the Minors? Because he wants to play in the Pig Leagues.

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Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies.

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What did the primary rainbow say to the secondary rainbow? -Your pants are on backwards

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Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

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An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman said, "May I see your license?" The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen." The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".

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What is a hurricane's favorite pet? -Anywhere from 1 to 5 cats

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Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.

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A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the docotor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've e njoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." "So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

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Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

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What kind of book did Frankenstein's monster like to read? One with a cemetery plot.

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Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage. "Sir," he blurted out, "I have an attachment for your daughter, and " "See here, young man," interrupted the parent, "when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself."

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What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman? Lots.

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Why did the weather want privacy? -It was changing

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Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

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The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out. Well," the man began, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.' Then I asked her 'why ?' She replied, 'Because I love you'."

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What tea do footballers drink ? Penaltea !

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What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster? A wake-up call!

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What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ? He had to get a new goat !

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