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Letter jokes

Which two letters of the alphabet are

nothing?
MT (empty) .

 

What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can't mash Frankenstein.

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Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear ? Because he liked sole music !

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Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime.

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An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!" The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

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How do rain drops marry? -They coalesce

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Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

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Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery!

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What lights up a football stadium? A football match!

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Did you hear about the argumentative skunk? He always liked to make a stink!

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YO MAMAS SO FAT WHEN SHE WEARS A RED DRESS ALL THE KIDS SCREAM LOOK ITS THE KOOLAID MAN y

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"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

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What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch, ouch! A vampire with a rotten tooth.

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What is a bear's favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !

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Why did the tornado get arrested? -For speeding, theft, vandalism, assault and murder

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Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

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An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished. He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practic ed black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down."

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First monster: I have a hunch. Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape.

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Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile? A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.

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Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom? Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

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How can you tell an old person from a young person? An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same time.

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