advertisements

Funny jokes - 50 best jokes

What's the speed limit of
sex?
68; at 69 you have to turn around.

 

Which football team to you need to connect up your computer? Leeds.

Read more!

A. Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? Q. They think their picture is being taken.

Read more!

advertisements
advertisements

Personally, I like to stay and read the credits. When the last scene of Titanic faded to black and people began rushing for the exits, I shouted: "Quick! There are only enough cars in the parking lot for half of us!"

Read more!

What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull!

Read more!

What is a dog's favourite sport ? Formula 1 drooling !

Read more!

What do ghosts watch if they want to relax? Skelly-vision!

Read more!

What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl? I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me!

Read more!

What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy.

Read more!

First Caribou: Which bug gobbles up trash? Second Caribou: The litterbug.

Read more!

Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with "I." Fred: I is . . . Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am." Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Read more!

FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna, he thinks he can sing.

Read more!

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

Read more!

Fred: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well, at least you can add !

Read more!

Why do artists never win when they play football ? They keep drawing !

Read more!

What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!

Read more!

Why did the duck stick his leg into a computer? He wanted to have webbed feet.

Read more!

Why did your sister jump out the window ? Because she wanted to try out her new spring suit

Read more!

A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He sees the cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As he reaches for one, his wife's wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks his and she yells: "No, you can't have those! They're for the funeral!"

Read more!

Two old men were sat on a bench outside a nursing home having a chat. "How are you, Richard?" asked George. "I'm not feeling too good today, I'm utterly exhausted," replied Richard. "I've pulled a muscle, and it's killing me." "I'm surprised that a pulled muscle makes you feel so tired," said George. Richard yawned and said, "Well, it does if you pull it a hundred times in one night."

Read more!

Q: Why did the blonde make love in the microwave? A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

Read more!