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Snowman jokes

What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
Icebergers
!

 

MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

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Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn't last week.

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Why won't a witch wear a flat cap? Because there's no point in it.

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Yo mama's house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

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If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!

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Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!

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What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !

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THE teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation. Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie." Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter." Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician.'' But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to Johnny. "My dad's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain't never gonnaspell electrician."

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Caller: Operator! Operator! I don't know what's wrong with my phone, but I can't make long distance calls any longer! Operator: Don't worry. Your long distance calls are long enough already!

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A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant, "Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare's birthplace?" "Ay, straight on, sir," said the rustic, "but no need to hurry. He's dead."

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Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers, too?

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A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel's clerk about the time of meals. "Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk. "Look here," inquired the farmer in surprise, "when am I going to get time to see the city?"

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"I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?" "Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."

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Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.

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First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.

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And how did you find your steak sir? Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was

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Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

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Customer: I'd like a watch that tells time. Clerk: Don't you have a watch that tells time? Customer: No, you have to look at it.

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Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup! What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

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Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes, and that's why they are the late heads of Europe.

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