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Snowman jokes

What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
Icebergers
!

 

What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day

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Yo mamma is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping from the basement window.

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Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition? She was beaten by the microphone stand.

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Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

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Why do artists never win when they play football ? They keep drawing !

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What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!

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Where do werewolves stay when they're on vacation? At the Howliday Inn!

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What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.

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Two men were having a drink together. One said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife." "Why's that?" asked the other. "Because she's always trying to bite my head off," he replied.

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What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy that!

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Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !

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Waiter, there is a frog in my soup ! Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him !

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yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!

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Why are football grounds odd ? Because you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits !

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A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed. "No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

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Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!

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Yo Mama's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."

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During the month of June and July. Here in the panhandle it got pretty hot in this area. In Fact people were even overworking in the heat. So one day I was working outside in the heat and then i thought i better get inside. My Boss asked me where i was going and i told him i am going inside to cool down . He said that i better get back to work. I said i cant, he said how come.? Because it is so hot out here that i have to go inside to change my mind.

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What is the bank manager's favourite type of football? Fiver side!

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A not so rich couple decided to stay at a very exclusive hotel for a night. The manager immediately recognized them for what they are but could not throw them out, instead he decided to be clever. In the morning the couple came to settle the bill and were surprized to find they owe $3000. "How's this? We've only been here one night!" the man was annoyed. "So?", said the manager, "this is a very expensive hotel. We have golf courts, tennis courts, swimming pools, exercise rooms, bars and restaurants, all this is very expensive to keep up." "But we didn't use any of these!" explained the couple. "If you didn't use - that's your problem," came the reply. "In that case, you owe me $2000. You see, my wife is a call girl who charges $5000 a night, so please settle your bill," said the man. "What do you mean?" the manager was taken off guard, "I didn't sleep with your wife!" "If yo u didn't use - that's your problem!"

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