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Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply
?
Paul gas coin !

 

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "OK," the man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."

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What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

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One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"

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What type of music do lightning bolts listen to? -Rock and Roll

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CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float? WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

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What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch? A witch in soggy trainers.

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What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d

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Yo mama is so fat...that she makes Godzilla look like an action figure

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What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !

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What did the answering machine say to the telephone? Take my word for it.

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What people travel the most? Romans.

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yo mama's o fat she supplies 99% of British gas.

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Who was that on the phone, Fred? Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

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Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

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Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun? -It burns too easily

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Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

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What happened to the tiger who took a bath three times a day ? After a week he was spotless !

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First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.

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What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.

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Waiter: These are the best eggs we've had for years. Diner: Well, bring me some you haven't had around for that long.

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