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Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply
?
Paul gas coin !

 

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !

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A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said "it is quite cold out here can I come in?" the man shouted "NO why don't you all understand I want to be alone!" and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, "What did you do that for?"

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Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !

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Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ? On squid row !

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Yo momma so bald head she put a weave cap on and it weave her cull

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How did the telephones get married ? In a double ring ceremony !

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What do you call a telephone call from one vicar to another ? A parson to parson call !

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A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a group of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to quickly come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the Aggiess started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride on camels walking two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole process. One Aggie stopped giggling long enough to stand and read the team's effort. He said, 'Tim and I, a hunting went, we came upon three women in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I buk one and Timbuktu!'

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What do you get if you cross teeth with candy ? Dental floss !

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Waiter, there is a bee in my alphabet soup ! Yes sir, and I'm sure there is an A, C and all the other letters too !

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yo mama so fat that when she puts on her yellow rain coat and walks down the street people shout out cab!

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Who invented the telephone? The Phoenicians (phone-itions).

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What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

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Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.

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A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, "Now what are you mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you."

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Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

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On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. "I hope this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound. "Why?" replies the cabin steward. "Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."

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How does a witch make scrambled eggs ? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright ! 'Owl be seeing you later.'

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Why did the women cross the road? Well thats not the point what is she doing out of the kitchen?!!!

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You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you? No. They can't afford the admission.

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