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Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply
?
Paul gas coin !

 

What person adds best in hot weather? A summer.

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What is hail ? Hard boiled rain !

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What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.

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Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

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Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

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Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

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Yo mama's so fat, when she was in school she sat next to everybody!

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MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

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Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn't last week.

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Why won't a witch wear a flat cap? Because there's no point in it.

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Yo mama's house is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

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If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!

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What does a footballer and a magician have in common ? Both do hat tricks !

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THE teacher announced that to practice spelling, each member of the class would say what their fathers did for a living and then spell the occupation. Mary went first. "My Dad is a baker, b-a-k-e-r, and if he were here, he would give everyone a cookie." Next came Tommy. "My dad is a banker, b-a-n-k-e-r, and if he were here, he'd give each of us a quarter." Third came Jimmy. "My dad is an electrician.'' But after struggling through a number of attempts to spell the word, the teacher asked him to sit and think about it for a moment while she called on someone else. She then turned to Johnny. "My dad's a bookie, b-o-o-k-i-e," Johnny said. "And if he were here, he'd lay you 8 to 5 that Jimmy ain't never gonnaspell electrician."

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Caller: Operator! Operator! I don't know what's wrong with my phone, but I can't make long distance calls any longer! Operator: Don't worry. Your long distance calls are long enough already!

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A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant, "Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare's birthplace?" "Ay, straight on, sir," said the rustic, "but no need to hurry. He's dead."

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Customer: Waiter, look at this chicken! It's nothing but skin and bones. Waiter: Would you like the feathers, too?

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A farmer, who went to a big city to see the sights, asked the hotel's clerk about the time of meals. "Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk. "Look here," inquired the farmer in surprise, "when am I going to get time to see the city?"

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"I can't believe it," said the tourist. "I've been here an entire week and it's done nothing but rain. When do you have summer here?" "Well, that's hard to say," replied the local. "Last year, it was on a Wednesday."

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Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.

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