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Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply
?
Paul gas coin !

 

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Keep it down sir, or they'll all be wanting one.

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Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent!

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Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his teeth.

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A man arrived at a seaside hotel where he had made a reservation rather late at night. All the lights were out, so he knocked on the door. After a long time a light appeared in an upstairs window and a woman called out, "Who are you? What do you want?" "I'm staying here!" "Stay there, then," she retorted, and slammed the window shut!

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There is a Shreveport cable TV channel that broadcasts the (live) video of the Shreveport radar and the audio of the NOAA weather radio station. When explaining why he knew he should go into meteorology, he said that when he was young, he would sometimes watch the channel even when there were no echoes, just for fun.

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Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"

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What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.

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What do vampires make sandwiches out of? Self-raising dead.

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Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock." Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?" The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."

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Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to Taco Bell, they run for the border !!

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Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.

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A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient. "Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices are coming from?" asked the psychiatrist. "As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient. "And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist. "Oh," said the patient, "when I answer the telephone."

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What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.

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Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae ? Skiing sir !

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Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.

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yo mama so fat she sat on a tractor and made it a pick-up truck.

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When does a horse talk on the phone? Whinny wants to!

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One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"

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How does a witch make scrambled eggs ? She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright ! 'Owl be seeing you later.'

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What does a witch do if her broom is stolen ? She calls the flying squad !

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