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Sport jokes

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply
?
Paul gas coin !

 

Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire ? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, 'Who's a pretty boy then ?'!

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Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn't cook either.

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Why does frost not like to lay out in the sun? -It burns too easily

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One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"

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A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".

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What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common ? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth !

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%. - It's called wedding cake.

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Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar.

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What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you? A phone moan.

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What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep ? A stripey sweater !

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Nate: "Hey, what's the weather like out there?" Kate: "I don't know. I'll tell you when it clears."

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What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse!

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Customer: Waiter, I found a hair in my turtle soup. Waiter: How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.

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Waiter, there is a bee in my alphabet soup ! Yes sir, and I'm sure there is an A, C and all the other letters too !

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Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Look, ask me when I get back from India, okay?

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Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

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Yo moma is so old she knew the Great Wall of China when it was just ok

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Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom ? Captain: Well, it could have been worse. Manager: How ? Captain: There could have been more teams in the league !

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One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!

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What animals talk on the telephone the most? The yakety-yaks!

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